


I've made up my mind - I'm not gonna fall in love this time

by Rae_Saxon



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Because it genuinely doesn't, But it doesn't matter much, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Give the Master a loving family you cowards, Just needed Gallifrey in shambles and the Doctor mad, post Timeless Children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:35:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23397847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rae_Saxon/pseuds/Rae_Saxon
Summary: The Doctor finds, to her endless surprise, her family alive and intact. Alive and intact, as in, her mum dragged her brother off to Earth and they were both staying in a comfy little TARDIS along with.... the Master, who's apparently her future husband and begs her to play along. Perfectly normal family affairs. Everyone's excited for the wedding. Everyone, as in, the Doctor's mother and absolutely no one else.
Relationships: The Doctor | Theta Sigma/The Master | Koschei (Doctor Who: Academy Era), The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 148
Kudos: 261





	1. Chapter 1

The good thing about being the (almost) last of her kind, was that the Doctor had certain... well, experience. It was, after all, not her first time.

And so she got out her old Time Lord detector – It made “Ding” when you got close – and started just taking it with her, wherever she went, looking for life signs.

She wasn't only hoping to find the Master – and punch him in the face – with the help of her device, oh no. She was also hopeful that... well... Next time she made a friend (and hugged and kissed and fucked him), it wouldn't be her arch enemy in disguise.

It was the little things a person had to cling to, after all.

Still. Somehow, she hadn't quite expected her device to make “ding” the first time she set foot back on Sheffield to pick up her friends again.

The Doctor looked around, but despite her expectations – and the Master's tracking record – the Time Lord wasn't jumping out of the bushes to greet her, and so she simply followed the sounds, until they became faster and louder, trying to find the source. Everything could be his TARDIS, every ever so subtle... Massive... lighthouse in a crowded side street.

What the hell.

She came to a stop in front of the massive red and white tower, her device beeping unnecessarily intensely, and sighed.

Now this wasn't his style at all. When it came to disguises and fitting in, he was a pro, surely and this was almost blatantly calling for attention.

The Doctor frowned.

Though, in fairness, maybe that was his style after all.

With a shrug, she knocked on the door, hands clenched to fists, ready to break some noses. She was a pacifist, sometimes, when she wanted to be, on rainy days or when she was asleep.

Not feeling very pacifistic today.

When the door was opened, she didn't hesitate long. With a scream, unexpected even to her, she smashed in his nose, the audible crack leaving a satisfying feeling in the pit of her stomach.

That's when she noticed the man she had just punched, had cried out like a girl in a tone that wasn't entirely the Master's.

She let her hands drop and the anger fell from her like a veil. That man in front of her, clutching his bleeding nose, blue eyes sparkling up to her in anger, was most definitely not the Master. At least not the one, she had expected.

“What on Earth!” he called out, a few strands of his carefully gelled back hair falling into his face, as he cautiously straightened himself again, backing away from the door frame in which the Doctor was still standing, thunderstruck.

“I'm... I'm very sorry,” the Doctor replied, finally unclenching her hands. “I thought you were... someone I....” From her pockets, she could still hear the insistent, yet muffled “Ding” sounds and the Doctor frowned darkly.

“He must be in here somewhere! You're not...” She looked the man up and down. Dark hair, beard, smart, blue eyes, a serious face (though it was really hard to tell, with all the blood covering it). He definitely fit the pattern.

She lifted her hand, pulled out her sonic screwdriver and scanned the man with growing suspicion.

“Aha!” she shouted. “Knew it! You're a Time Lord! You're...”

She let her hand sink with a sheepish smile, hiding the screwdriver behind her back, but it was already too late. The expression on his face had turned from pure shock to stoic resignation.

“Braxiatel,” the Doctor grinned, hands sheepishly buried into her coat pockets. “Lovely to see you.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Doctor, I assure you,” her brother replied with a sneer, while wiping away another squirt of blood with a handkerchief.

“So uhm...” She was still a little embarrassed, sitting in the little living room, watching her mother come back from the kitchen with a tray with tea and an ice pack for Braxiatel. “You're... on Earth. How... how come?”

She wasn't quite sure what was going on, in all honesty. Only last week, when she had learned who she really was in the ruins of her home planet, she had been fairly sure that her family was... well... dead with the rest of them. And now, here she sat, after centuries of not having seen them, in their living room, sipping Gallifreyan tea.

And her mother still hadn't learned that she needed extra sugar in, either.

She let her cup sink, just in time to watch Brax and her mother exchange some obviously confused glances.

“Well, dearest... for the wedding, of course!”

“Oh, right,” the Doctor grinned, nodding with relief. “The wedding. Uhm...” Her smile fell off her face. “Which wedding?”

Again that silly exchange of glances. Suddenly, the Doctor felt weirdly left out, her chest tightening. God. Her family, they were... _alive_. Properly, honestly, alive. As annoying as ever – well, mostly Braxiatel – and here. On Earth. To be on a wedding. Whose wedding?

“Well, yours of course, dear,” her mother smiled, in that loving, warm way only a proud mother could smile.

The Doctor couldn't help but smile back.

Ah. _Her_ wedding.

... Her wedding?

“But... my... I'm not... sorry. Who... who am I...?”

She jumped up, the cup of tea on her lap falling off to the floor with a clang.

“ _My_ wedding?”

But before she could say anything more, an arm appeared, lying heavily on her shoulder, hands gripping it firmly and a voice – that voice, _his_ voice – roared into her left ear in clear, mocking enthusiasm.

“Darling, _finally_! I was wondering when you'd come back home.” A soft kiss was pressed against her cheek and she could feel his grin, feel his beard tickling her sensitive skin. “I missed you so terribly much.”

“Of course,” the Doctor brought out through gritted teeth, her smile now visibly frozen. “Who else.”

She turned towards the Master, her eyes narrowed as she saw him standing there, in his stupid purple outfit, completely unharmed, grinning a wide, gloating smile that didn't reach his eyes, gave him an utter death glare and turned towards her family again, ready to tell them that there was no way in hell she was marrying this man.

Two arms snaked around her hips, and he pulled her close, his chin now resting on her shoulder.

“Play along,” he hissed into her ear, quietly enough so no one but her would hear, “and no one gets hurt.” His teeth nibbled at her earlobe and the Doctor had to shiver in repulsion.

She rolled her eyes, but she could feel his TCE poke into her back (at least she really, _really_ hoped it was his TCE), so she didn't really seem to have a choice.

“Right,” she said. “Didn't know he had already picked you up. I hoped for it to... stay a surprise.” She tried to smile, but her face felt hard and her eyes still gleamed angrily.

The Master chuckled behind her.

“Sorry, dearest, you know me, I just have _no patience._ ”

He ground the TCE against her spine, just to emphasise his point, and the Doctor suppressed the urge to roll her eyes again, and instead put on a more convincing smile.

“I can't wait for the ceremony,” she announced with what she hoped was a light, happy tone. “It's like I finally found my _missing piece._ ”

She saw her mother and Braxiatel exchange another look, this time a hint of judgement in midst of the confusion and sighed heavily.

That was just typical, hand it to her family to judge even the life decisions she had been blackmailed into five minutes ago.

“Honey,” she hissed. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

His eyes wandered from her to her mother and back, but finally, the Master nodded shortly and grabbed her hand. She fought the urge to shake him off and instead dragged him into the kitchen, where she tore herself from him immediately, and went into the corner the furthest away from him.

“What. On. Earth. Is. Going. On?” she brought out between breaths, ragged with anger.

The Master threw his hands up in the air.

“I made a mistake, okay!”

“A big one,” she replied with a dark glare. “Several actually. Daily. But that's not my point. Why are you pretending that we're getting married, have you gone completely nuts? Have those drums of yours returned to completely blow your brains out?”

The Master flinched, visibly, at the mentions of the drums, his gaze darkening.

“I'm wanted in some... some galaxies...” he mumbled and the Doctor snorted.

“I'm fairly sure you're wanted in every galaxy, never bothered you before. What's that to do with me?”

“They sent Gogorians after me, okay?” the Master spit and the Doctor's eyes widened.

“Seriously?” she replied, a grin twitching around the corners of her mouth. “Wow, you must've really pissed off someone important.”

“Tried to take over a tiny little planet,” he grunted. “With my new army. Wanted to give them a lovely home, what, with you blowing Gallifrey up again.”

The Doctor stemmed her arms into her hips.

“Sorry if I inconvenienced your plan of creating an army with the bodies of our murdered race.”

“Oh, you're gonna be,” he muttered darkly, “they snapped them out of existence. Just like that. Someone called... I don't know. Thuna or something. Some dark King in a far away galaxy- Never heard of him before. Said he'd do the same to me, but it'd be a fate to good for me. That he wanted me to suffer. Sick bastard.”

The Doctor waited, her eyebrows raised. “Worst thing is, you're not gonna learn anything from it, are you?”

“Anyway,” the Master continued a little louder, pretending not to hear her. “I've been running from galaxy to galaxy ever since, Gogorians always close behind, I won't be able to outrun them for much longer. You know... you know what they can do, Doctor.” He shuddered.

The Doctor thought that through. Yes, she had heard of them, every Time Lord had. Just another one of their questionable fairy tales, read to them in early years. Don't abuse your power or the Gogorian comes to get you. Don't live a life without love, without meaning, or they'll trap you in their eternal embrace of emptiness and despair, holding you forever in place, alone, until you go crazy, until there's nothing left of you.

A miserable tale, told by a miserable race of hypocrites who had never done anything else but live their life for nothing but power and power alone.

“Would serve you right, you know,” she finally breathed. “Maybe it's exactly what you deserve.”

“You don't mean that,” the Master spit. “Even you, even now, you can't possibly mean that.”

“You blew our planet up – Twice.”

The Master raised his hand to gesture utter incomprehension.

“Once. You were responsible for the second time. Which, coincidentally, wasn't your first time, either.”

“I had other reasons,” she spit back and he laughed, loud and cold.

“Oh sorry, I forgot, the right reasons make genocide alright, right? Is that another one of your goodness lectures? No wonder I never got the message.”

That stung.

The Doctor turned away, looking out of the round, little kitchen window, onto the rainy, dark street of Sheffield.

“What has any of that to do with me or my family, anyway?” she finally asked, because no, she was not ready to talk about Missy. Not right now. Not ever. If he wanted to make fun of her for trying, for wanting to believe in him, he was going to have to do that on his own.

“You know what they say. Find something to live for, something to love, something that gives you purpose, something pure, and they can't get you.”

The Doctor had to laugh out loud, a sharp, bitter laugh she didn't know from herself yet.

“And you think blackmailing someone into a fake wedding with their family as hostages is the way to achieve something that _pure_ , yeah?”

“Well, they're not here, are they?” he hissed. “When I announced the wedding on Metropolis, you know, on five to seven thousand billboards, they stopped hunting. I can still feel them, though, on the back of my neck, waiting for me to slip up, to get into reach.” He shuddered again. “Nasty beasts.”

Her eyes widened and she whirled back around to face him.

“You announced our wedding to the whole galaxy? Are you insane?”

The Master merely shrugged.

“Why me?” she finally asked with clear desperation in her voice, walking up and down the kitchen. “Why my family, if you wanted to blackmail me into marriage... why...”

“Aw, stop it, like i asked for them,” he sighed. “I didn't want them involved in the first place, I ran into them after I had been to Metropolis and before I knew what was happening, they had congratulated me, offered to bake the cake and dragged me into their joke of a TARDIS. Well, your mother had. Your brother looked like he was about to murder me.”

The Doctor stared at him, not noticing that he had not answered the first part of her question.

“You ran... into them? Excuse me, where exactly did you casually run into my mother and brother?”

This was insanity. There was no way she was going through with any of this, no matter how much he threatened her or her family. What did she care? She would just have to wait for a moment in which he was distracted, had to wait for him to not be able to carry through his threats immediately, and then watch the Gogorians take him when she cancelled the whole thing, declared him a lost cause. It might actually be for the best, him, forever trapped in eternal suffering, unable to hurt anyone else, having a taste of his own medicine.

She tore out of her thoughts, realising the Master had mumbled a reply to her question.

“What did you say?” she asked with a frown and he repeated his words, still mumbling, not quite meeting her eyes.

“Ongallifrey.”

“What?”

“On Gallifrey, alright?” he shouted. “She was just standing there and... and...” he waved his hands about, “buildings were falling around and she wouldn't move, a bit stubborn sometimes, isn't she, she just... stared at me. I didn't think she'd take your idiot brother with her when I... I...”

He fell silent, his expression that of a man who had said too much, but the Doctor didn't need to hear a single word more.

He had saved her mother.

From his own destruction, the danger he had created himself, but he... had saved her.

She rolled her eyes, at herself more than anyone else, because her hearts were racing in wild hope, the same bloody hope she had let herself feel the last time when she had tried to help Missy become her friend again. It had the power to destroy her and she had sworn herself to never, ever fall for it again.

Yet here she was, almost wistfully thinking back to five minutes ago, when the thought of throwing him to the Gogorians had still felt... well. Bearable.

“Fine,” she finally breathed. “Fine, I'll play along. But I have conditions. My family does not get hurt. The wedding will not be real. Fake wedding. Not marrying you. Under any circumstances. Ever.”

He raised his hands in defeat.

“Fine with me. I'm not particular keen of marrying you, either. And as long as you play along, there's no reason for anyone to get hurt.”

That was probably as good as it got, the Doctor figured.

“Good. We agree then?”

“Agreed.”

She was helping him. He was completely dependant on her playing along. And yet, somehow, when they shook hands on it and he looked into her eyes intently, she couldn't help but feel like having just sold her soul to the devil.


	2. Chapter 2

The devil, it turned out, was incredibly good at chit-chat.

The Doctor watched, completely struck to silence for a little while, as he sat comfortably between herself and her mother, sipping politely from his cup of tea, and talking about the weather in seven different galaxies, a wide grin plastered onto his face.

It was completely fake, of course, to the last bit, but still fascinating to watch, how he could flip a switch so easily, jump into this role of her content fiancé with not even a blink.

She knew him, of course, probably better than anyone else, and she had seen that side of him before, back when they were children. Whenever there were parents, adults, teachers to impress, he had gotten out his charisma, had completely blown everyone away with appealing small talk conversation topics in fourteen different languages.

Never, however, in thousands of years that she had known him, had he ever attempted small talk with her, and she had always secretly prided herself to be the one person he was _real_ with.

And so, the first time the Master elbowed her rips and smiled pleasantly, asking her to tell that story about how they got stuck in the Jaiiwanic supermarket, buying herbs illegal in two different galaxies in an attempt to brew Gallifreyan tea, she almost choked on her own.

“Oh,” the Doctor spluttered, finally putting the cup back on the little coffee table, the Master's little eye-roll pointedly ignored. “Right. Well, you know how Judoon are, always a bit stubborn when it comes to law-enforcement. It could all be settled, luckily. I have friends in high places.”

She did not and everyone in the Shadow proclamation hated her ever since she almost blew their base up. But making stuff up on the spot required a few little white lies.

His fake smiles always looked so much more credible than hers felt. The smile on her face felt all teeth, far too stiff and like it could fall off anytime. She had never understood how he put masks on and off so easily. Maybe she ought to ask him for a lesson. After all, his survival did depend on it, in a way.

“Never did believe in rules, did you?” Braxiatel muttered into his tea cup and the Doctor didn't even bother to turn towards her brother to check which of them he meant.

He'd be right in any case, and a Braxiatel who was right was always insufferable.

But her mother chuckled warm-heartedly.

“Ah, that's my boys. Always on the run from something. Did you get your tea, in the end?”

They exchanged a look, the Master's smile crooked and his eyes glistening warmly, and he looked a little more genuine now.

The Doctor sighed.

Her poor, naive mother. She hadn't seen her in ages, and here she was, telling her lies already.

The Master saved her out of another one, smiling pleasantly again.

“We did,” he assured her. “Your son can be quite convincing. Told them we needed it for a brew to save the Maldovian King's son.”

“Daughter,” Braxiatel replied in a bored tone of voice, still staring at his tea cup so he wouldn't have to look at the Master.

Both of them turned to Braxiatel, then looked at each other.

“Oh, that's right!” the Doctor grinned, in the same moment the Master called out, “Yeah, that's what I said”.

Braxiatel simply raised an eyebrow and took another sip of tea, with the unbothered air of someone who had never been wrong in his life.

Insufferable.

“Well, what can I say,” she said with a spiteful side-glare towards her brother. “Not everyone can just ask the government to bust them out when they're in trouble.”

“Actually,” Braxiatel replied dryly. “I believe your fiancé made sure that none of us can ever do that again.”

The Doctor stiffened, her own attempt at a smug sip of victory frozen in the air. She turned towards the Master, who was – the bloody bastard – suppressing a laugh.

“Right,” the Doctor finally choked out. “That.”

“Yes,” Braxiatel replied, finally deciding to raise his gaze away from his tea cup and towards her instead. It was as if daggers were being thrown directly into her hearts. “ _That_.”

“Now, now, boys,” their mother interrupted with a consoling tone in her voice. “Let's not fight. We've just got the family back together and...”

“Family?” Braxiatel spat, jumping up from his seat. “Look around, mother. This whole scene, it's obscene. He murdered our entire race, he almost murdered _us_. And now he's marrying into our family? Oh how lovely. I suppose I'm going to have to wed them myself, since every other Time Lord in existence is...”

“Actually, yes, I wanted to talk to you about...” The Master started, getting up, corners of his mouth twitching in suppressed amusement, but before he could finish the sentence, Braxiatel had swiftly given him a punch on the nose, making him stop in shock and gripping his face.

“I believe my sister wanted to give you this,” he stated calmly, only a light shake in his voice giving away his rage, before he vanished into the depths of his TARDIS.

The Doctor, not sure who she was supposed to root for, simply watched the little trickle of blood running from the Master's nose with her mouth wide open.

It was her mother who finally offered him a tissue and a reassuring clasp on the back.

“Don't worry about it,” she promised motherly. “He'll come around, he just needs a little time. He was rather fond of his job. Considered himself to be very important, you know?”

The Master didn't reply, his eyes nothing but a dark glare poking out of the tissue he held before his nose and the Doctor couldn't help but feel like she was trapped inside a very surreal setting for a classic Earth family drama.

Everyone was in a too depressed mood to continue pleasant chit-chat after this, so when the Doctor's mother announced that they should all get some rest after an eventful day, she was relieved to finally get out of this ridiculousness. Her relief lasted for a few glorious, wonderful seconds, until the words “He'll show you where you two sleep” were uttered and reality settled back in.

“Ah,” the Doctor replied. “Of course. We're... both sleeping in here, then?”

“Naturally,” her mother smiled. “Since we're all going to prepare the wedding together, we decided to stick together for at least that long. Don't worry, I know you've got your hearts out for space, my dear child.” She took her face between her hands, kissing the Doctor's forehead gently. “Just stick with your poor old mother a little longer, will you?”

The Doctor smiled sadly, tears in her eyes, as a sudden wave of affection crashed over her.

“Of course, mother,” she whispered. “Of course.”

They walked in silence through quite a lot of long corridors, until they reached a door with their names in Gallifreyan engraved on it.

“Over a thousand years of saving the universe....” the Doctor sighed, standing in front of the door tensely, staring at their names. “And look where it brought me.”

“To the same place I am, after spending over a thousand on trying to destroy it,” the Master replied with a shrug. “And what does that tell you?”

“Sorry, I can't understand you,” the Doctor gave back with a sugary sweet smile. “Something seems to be blocking your nose. Sounds all very muffled.”

He simply rolled his eyes and pushed open the door, leading to.... Oh dear.

“Great. Is there a room near-by I can stay in?” the Doctor muttered grumpily, the sight of the single king sized bed ruining the last bit of good mood she had left.

The Master gave her a glare. “I've picked a bedroom as far away from your family as possible, but I still think it'd be best...”

“Oh, you're just scared that they'll come and get you in the night,” the Doctor threw in with a nasty little grin. “Scared that they'll sneak into your dark, dark dreams and realise there's no one to love you, are you? Wanna cuddle up a bit closer under the blankets and pretend I can protect you from the truth catching up on you?”

“I was gonna say,” the Master replied, completely frozen in place, his gaze now stiff and intense, “that it'd be best if you come in in the mornings, just to be sure they don't catch onto us.”

Something heavy seemed to fall right form her chest into her stomach, giving her a sinking feeling.

“Fine then,” she spit. “Whatever.”

Without looking at him again, she turned around on the spot, looking for an empty room with a bed, trying her hardest to get the look on his face out of her mind.

She admitted defeat about half an hour later, sneaking back into his – their – room with sunken shoulders.

He didn't say a word, didn't even look at her, his head propped on his hand, as he read with a night light on.

“We're surrounded by bathrooms, a library and Braxiatel's personal writing office,” she announced into the silent room, feeling the need to explain herself. “Nothing with a bed that's not too close to my family.”

She stood next to the bed for quite a while, waiting for the Master to reply, but he didn't give a single sign that he had heard her, lazily changing pages, reading intently.

“So I'll just sleep... here, I think,” the Doctor added a little louder, feeling weirdly like needing his permission.

He still didn't give an answer.

“Okay, well then... I'm coming in.”

She took off her coat and her suspenders, reminding herself to definitely get some clothes out of her TARDIS sometime soon, throwing regular side glances to the Master, who was still deeply into his reading, looking like he was wearing a rather cosy, purple silk pyjama.

Typical.

She tugged at the blanket he had wrapped around his body, feeling cold in only her shirt, but it wouldn't budge even a little.

The Master was still ignoring her intently.

“Oh fine,” she spit. “Be like that, then.”

And with a huff, she turned around, her back to the Master, staring at the blank wall next to her bed, shivering slightly.

Surprisingly, it was him who first gave up. After an hour or two of lying silently trembling, waiting for sleep to come to the rescue, the Doctor suddenly felt the warmth of the blanket being pulled over her and turned around in surprise, meeting the Master's cool gaze.

“You're a stubborn old fool, do you know that?” he whispered, as he turned off his night light. “All you had to do was say sorry.”

“Well, I'm not,” the Doctor gave back, but clawed at the blanket, just to be sure he couldn't pull it away again. “I was right.”

“Yes, Doctor.” The Master's reply came in the dark, but she could still feel his eyes on her, could hear the little shake in his carefully restrained voice, could feel his fingers clench around a corner of the blanket. “You were right. I've got nothing to live for, no one to love me, nothing to save me. Does it make you happy?”

The Doctor felt her mouth run dry. This was not how she had expected this to go, at all, and hearing him repeat her words made her shiver, despite the warmth of the blanket now around her.

Maybe she had been a little harsh.

“N... no, not particularly,” she brought out, making the Master snort.

“Look at her, trying to squirm out of it now. The big saviour, the defender of the underdog. Never _cruel_ , never cowardly.”

“Yes, yes, I got your point, can we go to sleep now?”

She could hear the Master's cold grin, even in the darkness, could see it in her mind as clear as day.

Except, when he spoke again, there was no trace of it in his voice and the feeling fell off her as strong as it had risen, replaced by the distinct fear that she might not know him quite as well as she had thought, anymore.

“I did love you, you know?”

“You don't even know what love is,” the Doctor replied, instinctively, how she had always pictured herself replying to these exact words, should they ever come. But no imagination could've prepared her for the way her hearts started racing, for the way the memories crashed down around her, unasked for, not needed, not ever wanted.

“Believe what you want,” he scoffed. “But I wasn't the problem and you and I both know that. Your mother was right. You _are_ always on the run.”


	3. Chapter 3

He didn't sleep well, that night, she could tell from the gentle film of sweat that was forming on his forehead, from the way his thoughts and emotions raced all around hers, uncontrolled and panicked.

She wondered, distantly, if Gogorians were able to invade his dreams like this, or if it was simply his own imagination running wild from the very real threat of never-ending suffering.

The Doctor sighed.

It was crazy. Everything. Yesterday, she had thought her family dead, gone with the rest of them. She hadn't even mourned them, had barely wasted a thought on them, because she had long, long stopped visiting them, long lost every right for grief.

Today her family was sleeping down the hallway, planning her wedding with the man that she had thought had murdered them.

A dark, evil, horrible man, who had walked down too far on the tightrope to insanity, had lost his balance and fallen and was falling still, trapped in what seemed to be a constant free-fall, chasing the thrill of landing on the cold, hard ground, never quite getting there, never quite getting up again.

She shook her head, watching him a little longer in the darkness. She could see his outlines, now, the dark, damp hair sticking to his forehead, his eyes pressed together tensely.

He didn't look insane like this, just troubled. His features soft, yet haunted, his body small in the big bed, his fingers cramped around the pillow, clutching it like a lifeline.

It was difficult to imagine him as the man he had presented to her, ever since she had realised the truth. Was difficult to not still see O in him, the shy, human genius with a passionate heart and gentle, warm eyes.

Funny that, how the mask he had put on had been so much like the man she had once loved, while the man he truly was seemed so far away from him.

“ _I did love you, you know?”_

The Doctor chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully. Her answer had been unnecessarily cruel.

The truth was – yes, she knew. No matter what Koschei had grown up to be, what he had become in the turn of the years, she had not had a single second of doubt that in their time together on Gallifrey, he had loved her. His love had been so consuming, so passionate, sometimes she had felt like she was drowning in it. And she had enjoyed every second of it, had loved him just as much.

Until her reputation had grown infamous, Gallifrey had turned to admire the eccentric old man, always speaking up against the injustices of their government, yet never aspiring to be anything more, until Koschei's love had grown more possessive, had become an obsession to prove that he owned the greatest trophy of them all.

A whimper broke through her thoughts and the Doctor flinched, returning to here and now with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

It was easier, when he wasn't awake. It was easier to let him in, in the night, with the darkness shielding her and his consciousness far away. Without thinking, she shifted closer to him, turning to lie on her stomach carefully, before wrapping an arm around his hips gently, pulling him closer.

The Master didn't wake up, he didn't even make a sound, but after only a few minutes, she could feel his tension lift a little and his breathing even.

“I did love you too,” she promised into the night, with no one to hear. It was an admission that couldn't hurt her, couldn't be used against her, as long as it went unheard. Saying it out loud, it made a bit of her anger evaporate, gave her a bit of peace back.

She had loved him and he had done nothing but betray and hurt her, again and again and again, done anything, _everything_ to spite her.

And here she was. Still afraid to tell him in the light.

The next morning at breakfast, the Doctor's mother introduced them to a wedding planner called Anthea.

“It's nice to meet you,” she greeted them with a wide smile, holding out her arm so enthusiastically, she almost knocked over her cup of tea. “I've flown in from Lexus IV exclusively for this wedding.”

The Master looked down at her hand with a raised eyebrow, then sat down opposite her, ignoring it.

“Sorry,” the Doctor yawned as she slipped in behind him, still wearing the outfit she had gone to sleep with - suspenders carelessly dangling down, shirt only half tugged into her trousers and a hole in her left sock. “He's a bit grumpy in the mornings.”

And the afternoons. And evenings. And nights.

She leaned over the table, took Antheas hand and managed a sleepy little smile.

“We're very happy to have you.”

Because having to plan her own doomsday really wouldn't be any fun.

Anthea looked slightly shaken up for a second,her incredibly cute features making her look like a wide-eyed kid in wonder, but she nodded.

“It's okay, Brax already warned me about him.”

“Brax?” the Doctor asked, looking mildly amused. “He can't possibly let you call him that, it's been 2000 years and he's _just_ given up to tell me not to.”

Anthea smirked. “He's not impressed, but I don't care. He's cute when he's grumpy.”

The Master looked up from his eggs, raising a second eyebrow.

“Aw, you and _Brax_ are together, then?” he asked in a perfectly innocent tone that told the Doctor immediately that he was about to be terribly insulting.

Anthea nodded rather proudly.

“Yes, we met a while ago on Lexus, when he was doing errands and... well, you've seen him.”

“I certainly have,” the Doctor muttered under her breath, slightly worried about the wide grin now spreading on the Master's face.

“How long have you two been a couple?”

“Only a couple of months,” Anthea replied, clearly enthusiastic about his interest in her love life. “He's quite... something. Very impressive man, isn't he?”

“Only a couple of months,” the Master grinned, rolling his bite of eggs in his mouth for a second, before swallowing and adding, “and he's already sick of you?”

“What?” Anthea called out with a puzzled expression.

“Master!” the Doctor hissed in a warning tone, but he simply gave her his most pleasant smile.

“Come on, he hates my guts, he knows I'll make her life a living hell and he still suggested her for the job. Look at the little sunshine princess. He must really, really want to see her suffer.”

Anthea's warm, brown eyes widened and she was just about to say something, when the Doctor's mother re-emerged with a plate full of bacon and fried tomatoes.

“Have at it, children!” she hummed cheerfully, putting them down on the table, not noticing that the conversation had abruptly died the second she had entered.

The Doctor and the Master exchanged a glance and with a sigh, the Doctor decided to break the silence.

“Isn't.... Braxiatel coming?” she asked carefully, trying not to look at Anthea's sulky face.

“Oh, no, he, uhm... said he'd rather eat in his study and wait for Thea to... uhm... join him.” She tried a little forced smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

The Master picked up some Bacon on his fork, grinning.

“Meaning he can't stand to see me today and waits for his little girlfriend to rant about how horrible I am?”

“Well,” the Doctor's mother replied with a little crooked grin. “You could try a little harder to prove him wrong.”

The Master snorted.

“Like I care about his opinion.” He threw a side glance towards the Doctor, whose face was hovering over her cup, looking like she was about to fall asleep with her chin threatening to fall into the tea. “The only person I need, is my beautiful wife,” he added with an amused grin, before pulling her towards him with an arm around her shoulder and giving her a huge kiss onto her cheek.

The Doctor's eyes tore open immediately and he chuckled against her skin, the vibration making his beard scratch her lightly.

Her mother smiled widely.

“Right,” the Doctor finally brought out, when she stopped feeling like all the air had left her lungs. “Right. So. What do we start with?”

“Well, I am going to need a rough list of who you want to invite,” Anthea replied, going straight to business. “Then we can start thinking about a location. I'll take care of everything, don't you worry, I have several suggestions. Some of the most beautiful places in the galaxy, all I need to know is the capacities needed and...”

“Oh we don't have many guests,” the Doctor reassured her hastily. She could feel the Master's arm around her shoulders tighten slightly. “Really. Just my mum and Brax and that's enough already. You gotta come too, of course, as a guest. You're basically family. That's... that's all the family we have.” She shot the Master a nervous glance.

“Now, now, don't be so terribly modest, _my_ _love_ ,” the Master replied with a suppressed laugh. The grin he gave Anthea was all teeth, almost predatory. “She has a huge group of friends all over the galaxy, especially on Earth. She doesn't like to brag, this one. But there's no way we can get married without them, they're practically... what did you call them? Your _fam_?”

He spoke the word in thinly-veiled mockery and the Doctor felt herself freeze.

“There's no need, _darling_ , really,” she brought out through gritted teeth. “I know you and my friends don't always get along.”

“No no, I insist,” the Master smiled, all honey and sugar, because oh, he knew very well how to trap a mouse. “They absolutely cannot miss it.” He turned towards Anthea. “I have a whole list here.”

And to the Doctor's absolute horror, he took his arm off her shoulder (finally), to pull out an elaborately long list full with names she recognised only too well.

He couldn't be serious.

“Wonderful,” Anthea smiled and the Doctor couldn't do anything but speechlessly watch her take the list. “I'll make sure they all get an invitation as soon as you two have chosen a design. That's another thing we have to do. Ohhh, it's going to be so exciting! Nothing better than to decide the theme of a wedding, if you ask me!”

The Doctor was barely present for the rest of the meeting, her thoughts were spinning and the shock still sat in her bones, ice cold. He was planning to parade this... this _monstrosity_ he was planning in front of all of her old friends? Over her dead body. She had seen the names of that list and just the thought of the Brigadier's face alone, when he heard about her marrying the Master? Unbearable!

.... A tiny bit entertaining.

But definitely not happening! She was going to have a word with Anthea in peace, without him, and make that list disappear as soon as she could.

The Master shot her amused side glares whenever no one was looking for the whole meeting, clearly revelling in the Doctor's terror. When Anthea finally said her goodbyes, announcing she was going to go straight to work and call a few places, the Doctor jumped off the table, grabbing the Master with her on his arm.

“We'll take a walk, mother,” she brought out, but only just, before dragging him outside, where his silent laughter began shaking him.

“You should've seen your face,” he brought out between gasps for air, the second the door had closed behind them. “It was glorious.”

“This is not funny!” the Doctor called out, several people turning towards her as she did. She took a deep breath. The chilling air of Britain, heavy from rain, was slowly waking her up out of her trance, hung around her like a comforting, old friend. “This is not happening, no way!”

“Aw, come on, Doctor,” the Master laughed. “We can't have a wedding with two people. I don't care how fake it is, that's just pathetic.”

“Oh, well, why don't we invite a few of your friends, then?” the Doctor replied back with a cruel grin. “Oh, wait... That's right. You don't have any.”

The Master grinned.

“Funny. Very original. Anyway, I bet Miss Grant will be very excited. Reckon she'll bring a wedding gift?”

“You're insane,” she spat back. “She will not be...” The Doctor shook her head, exasperatedly. “Well, actually, I suppose she would be.”

But things had been easier back then, lighter, somehow. They had been different people, caught up in a different game. Dangerous, still, because every game the Master played was dangerous, but somehow infinitely more harmless at the same time.

“I agreed to help you,” she finally brought out. “I'm doing this. For _you_. Why do you have to make it so hard?”

The Master shook his head with a little huff.

“Why not? You made it abandonedly clear that you plan to insult me throughout the entire process, so I might as well get some fun out of it myself.”

He stepped back inside the ship, leaving the Doctor out in the drizzling rain, stunned.

She crossed her arms, trying to warm up, but suddenly she felt cold. With angry steps, she stomped towards her TARDIS. There she was, her old friend, her normality, just parked a few corners away, waiting for her to take her away, have her escape from the utter craziness that had become her life.

Everything would be fine, she simply had to pull these levers and run.

Just like the Master expected her to.

She stared at the levers, gloomily, then turned around to walk to her wardrobe, picking up a few things to change into, collected a few books on the way out and found herself facing the exit again sooner than she would've liked.

“I'll be back,” she promised her ship, because she felt she owed her that much. “I've got... things to fix.”

With her belongings clutched against her chest, she ran through the now pouring rain back to the lighthouse, almost glad to be back in the warm, dry entrance hall. She wanted to let the door fall shut, wanted to call for him, shout at him, not even sure what. An apology? More insults and jabs at him?

But she froze on the spot as she saw the scene before her. The Master, standing in front of her mother, shoulders sunken in, tears glittering in his eyes, while she held his face between her hands, smiling lightly.

“I'm just glad you've finally come home, boy,” she whispered warmly and the Doctor recognised the heavy sadness in her voice even from the outside of that bizarre little scene. “You're part of our family, have been long before you two finally got it together and nothing will ever change that.”

She pulled him into her arms, then, and the Doctor felt her hearts leaping wildly, waited for him to push her away, to lash out at her.

The very last thing she had expected to happen, was the Master allowing himself to sink into her embrace, shaking slightly as a quiet, single sob escaped his throat.

The Doctor finally let the door fall shut behind herself, lips pinched together tightly.

He had always been a bloody good actor, but this right now was a bit too much, even for his taste for dramatics.

But when the Master shrieked out of her mother's arms, eyes wide in shock, yet still filled with emotion, there was nothing to see of mockery or acting or dramatics, just deep, all-consuming sadness.


	4. Chapter 4

“Did you get everything you needed, dear?” her mother asked with a smile and a knowing gleam in her eyes. Trust mothers to always know, somehow, even while knowing so very little at the same time.

The Doctor sighed.

“Not quite yet. _You_. I gotta talk to you.”

Before the Master could protest, she had grabbed his arm between her own, the books she was still holding almost slipping out of her grip, but he caught them for her, holding them gloomily as she led him away into their bedroom. He was staring ahead, teeth pressed together and lips pinched, clearly trying to steel himself for whatever cruelty she had in store next.

The Doctor felt her stomach knot up painfully.

With a quick movement, she let go of the Master's arm, let her fingers wander down and tentatively intertwined them with his. She could see his gaze nervously flick down, only for a second, and when he attempted to stare ahead again, it wavered a little.

She smiled.

Pushing open the door, she led him inside, watching him carefully, as he dropped her books on the bed and drew back his hand from hers to cross his arms before his chest.

She could still see a little tear track on his left cheek, could see his hand twitch as he felt her eyes on it, as if he was fighting the urge to acknowledge its existence by wiping it away.

The Doctor forced herself to look into his eyes instead, a mix of confusion, nervousness and rage meeting her and she sighed.

“I'm sorry.”

The Master blinked.

“You... what?”

“I'm sorry,” the Doctor repeated, voice wavering slightly as she tried to maintain her calm. “You're right. I was being cruel. It's a surreal situation and I didn't know how to act and I started lashing out.”

He looked stunned and completely lost for words, sounds coming out in stutters without any real meaning.

Finally, he shook his head, letting his crossed arms sink.

“It's alright,” he grumbled. “Not like I care.”

“We both got to stop doing this,” the Doctor sighed, frowning slightly.

“Doing what?”

“Pretending we don't care. It's never gotten us anywhere. You clearly cared enough to let yourself be locked...”

“And where did _that_ get me?” the Master interrupted her harshly before she could go on.

“I don't know,” the Doctor sighed, taken aback by the sudden bite in his voice. “I don't know how to do this any better than you, alright? But we're doing this for you, so we might as well do it in peace. I'm tired of fighting and you...”

He shot a glare, so clear in its intent that she stopped speaking with a shake of her head. Fine, he didn't want her to talk about what she had just witnessed. That was just typical for him and his stupid pride and his stupid idea that emotions were somehow a weakness.

She had thought Missy had left that mindset behind, but he seemed to have run straight back to it after regenerating.

As he had in so many things.

“Tell you what, Doctor,” he growled, stepping closer to her, so close he had to look down on her, eyes dark and full of rage. “Take your pity, take your apologies... and shove them up your tight little arse.”

With a rather dramatic whirl, he left her standing there, head still raised, expression frozen in place, and left.

The Doctor was walking up and down their little bedroom, pacing and pondering.

She should just leave him. She should just let the Gogorians do their job. He couldn't be saved, clearly didn't care about any of it anymore. If he really had given up on it all, if he really had abandoned his attempts to change, then what chance did the universe stand to ever be free of him, ever be safe?

Her family... God, he had threatened her family. Had wrecked her home planet. Had rejected her attempts to make peace, to help him change. What else did she need to accept that he was never going to change?

But she still saw the scene in her mind, where it seemed to have burnt itself into her memory. The shaking of his shoulders, the quiet, single sob leaving him as her mother laid her arms around him. It was as simple as it was powerful and the Doctor felt like she should just kick herself for letting it affect her in this way.

Was it a trick? To make her go on with this insanity, no matter how often he insulted and pushed her? Or had it been real, the real emotions of a man who had so rarely been shown any kind of affection from his own family, from... anyone, really.

“He can't possibly blame me for that,” she muttered into the room when she couldn't stand the silence anymore. “It's not like he makes it easy.”

But the Doctor's shoulders sank a little. What kind of a rubbish excuse was that, in the first place? Doing the right thing never had been easy, that was the reason why so few people did it in the first place.

“It's not my job to love him,” she growled, trying to sound convincing to herself. “It's not my fault he is who he is. The things he does, they're his choice. I'm just.... I'm just... “

She sat down on the bed, trembling slightly, and buried her face in her hands.

“His fiancée” she whispered into the silence.

They had been friends once. Despite all the things he had done, all the cruelties she was used from him, she had been his friend, had been happy to see him, almost relieved whenever he showed up to claim a dark plot as his own. He was familiar, was comfortable, like an old familiar coat to put on in the cold.

In the darkness, the vastness of the universe, the all surrounding loneliness she felt sometimes, it was almost nice, having an enemy you knew for as long as you had lived. It had been like a dance. He'd say something horrible and cackle, and she'd say something kind back to him, smiling and when the music stopped, they'd leave one another, getting ready for the next dance – Still the same people, just a little out of breath.

But she had changed the rules, she had danced and then invited him home, had closed the door behind him, had left him alone, had given him tasks and thought experiments and had announced herself tired of dancing.

And now there seemed to be no way back to who they had been anymore. The old dances felt dated and stiff, the coat wouldn't fit anymore and she wasn't sure, just wasn't sure whose fault it was anymore. He couldn't blame his cruelty on her, just as much as she couldn't blame her own cruelty on him.

She had wanted more. So had the Master, back then, she knew, just knew it had been real.

And now they were both stuck in an in-between of wanting more and wanting to go back to normal. Their words had gotten a biting edge, one betrayed by the failure of the other, and in the middle of it all, a ridiculous plot to fool everyone around them that they were happily in love.

When she entered the living room, she could see from the widening of his eyes that he hadn't expected her to show up at all.

He was lying on the sofa, reading a book, a dark expression on his face that his mother had apparently tried to smooth over with plates and plates of pastries and cookies.

Silly woman, the Doctor thought. He had always been a blueberry muffin type of sulking.

She lifted his legs, ignoring his glare over the edge of the book, and let herself fall down beside him, his feet on her lap. He took a long breath, then let his eyes wander back down to the pages, seemingly unaffected by her sudden proximity.

She took that as a good sign.

After a rather shaky breath to steel herself, she started another attempt.

“So,” she murmured. “Missy. Tetchy subject?”

He turned the page, not looking at her, as he grumbled a sound that she decided to take as confirmation.

“'Kay. Not bringing it up again.”

He turned another page. Now he was just bragging.

“You're a bit of a minefield, you know? I can't get it right first attempt. You gotta allow me some missteps without blowing up.”

“And here I thought you knew me so well,” came the dry reply. “I _'m terrified of everything, you know me, you're so much more than me, I'm alone and without love,_ did I forget anything?”

He was still staring at the page, his eyes rushing over the words in quick, jumpy glances and she watched him silently for a little while, waiting for him to at least look at her.

When he finally did, he put his book down with an eye roll.

“What?”

“I don't understand you. Right now. I used to. I used to at least understand your motives, what makes you tick, what keeps you going. I knew what to say to provoke you, to calm you, to get answers. But your mood swings have grown unpredictable and your plots make no sense to me anymore. I still don't get it. Why you did what you did. I don't get why you pretended to be O, either. To hurt me? Why?”

He shrugged.

“Have you ever considered that not everything I do is about you?” he asked.

“No.”

To her surprise (and relief), he snorted at that.

“Well, then you still know me well enough, I'd say.”

She grinned and after a bit of hesitation, he responded with a light smile.

“We're gonna talk about all of this one day, right? The Vault, O, whatever happened after?”

The Master looked at her for a long time, quietly, then sighed.

“One day. Maybe. If I trust you enough not to use it against me.”

The Doctor's shoulders sank a little.

“I suppose that's fair,” she sighed, patting the Master's ankles on her lap. “But just for the record. I won't abandon you and leave you to death. That's not the type of thing I do. They're not gonna get you. You're stuck with me and my tight little arse for now. Alright?”

There was something in the Master's eyes as he grinned up to her, something dark and devious and sad at the same time.

“Of course not, Doctor. Ever the hero. I guess I better get my old corset out.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

“What for?”

The Master's lips twitched.

“Why, for you of course. Your mother and I have _finally_ decided on a wedding dress for you.”

She looked at... _it_... with a look that she hoped didn't give away her disgust. He knew, of course, that she hated it with every fibre of her being, which was the very specific reason he had told her mother she would love it.

The thing was – Even if this dress hadn't come with a shrill, red Gallifreyan robe and several golden threads around the wide collars, the Doctor would have had to admit that she simply wasn't a dress person. At all. She had hoped for a rather subtle suit, worn exactly once, on a subtle little ceremony, so she could just go on with her life and forget all about this as soon as possible.

 _He_ wasn't having any of it.

“Isn't it gorgeous, honey?” the Master asked with sugary sweet tone, giving her a little peck on the cheek. The Doctor gave him the darkest side glare she could manage through her shock.

“Be... beautiful...”

She turned to her mother, who was still holding the dress up with a bright smile.

“Uhm. Are you sure it'd suit me?”  
  
“Absolutely, dear. We can try it on and work on it a little and it'll fit you perfectly. Ohhh, I'm so glad you like it!”

The Doctor gulped.

There was no way she could say no to this with her mum so happily expectant and he had known that.

Bloody bastard.

“It's lovely,” she wrung out.

The Doctor was distantly wondering if her lips were ever going to be the same after all these fake smiles.

 _Don't make me try it on_ , she thought, biting her lips in what she hoped could be sold as excitement. _Please don't make me try it on now._

The Master smiled brightly.

“How about you try it on right now, honey?”

Of course.

“ _I hate you,_ ” she sent straight into his mind, and it seemed appropriate, using their connection for the sake of making sure he knew of her pure, unadulterated hatred.

His grin simply grew.

Leave it to him to get off on her misery.

When she was standing in the living room, her mother needling her dress and the Master soaking in every single second of her discomfort, Braxiatel seemed to have decided to change tactics, marching into the room with his chin raised and a mean gleam in his eyes.

She wondered, distantly, if he'd knew she hated the dress too and came to watch, but when her brother sat down, his eyes were fixed on the Master, who reciprocated his gaze with mild curiosity and not a small amount of spite.

The Doctor watched the silent exchange with a deep feeling of worry, looking back and forth between the two of them. They had never gotten along, of course – Braxiatel had spent their entire childhood lecturing the Doctor of how the Master was bad for her (maybe he had a point), while the Master had spent their entire time free of him to insult him.

It had been fun back then, something to laugh about, something to ignore as they ran around their home world like it was their own personal playground, but it felt a bit more serious now. Like everything could fall apart if they weren't careful.

And the Doctor, ever so slightly, realised she really didn't want that, for the Master's sake.

A tiny glimmer of hope for him, it was all she had needed and she had gotten it. And apparently her hearts had decided to latch onto it as hard as they possibly could.

Hope. Important, wonderful little emotion that always brought along her downfall, and yet, she simply couldn't stop believing and fighting for it again and again.

The situation was under control until her mother was leaving to fetch a camera. The second she was out of the room, the Master's voice cut through the suddenly tense silence like a knife.

“Need something?”

“Just watching my sister get dressed for her wedding, isn't that allowed?”

“You didn't exactly seem like our biggest fan before,” the Master gave back coldly and Braxiatel smiled.

“I changed my mind.”

“Why?” the Doctor asked, quite surprised herself.

“Because it's not happening,” Braxiatel replied with a shrug.

“Excuse me?” the Doctor and the Master spluttered back in the exact same tone of indignation and immediately she could feel something rise inside of her, wild and powerful in the eyes of a challenge.

But Braxiatel simply looked at the Master, completely unshaken, not even blinking.

“I don't believe it,” he finally explained. “I simply don't believe it. You would never marry him, not after what he's done and he would never marry you, because he's a psychopath. It's not real. None of it. You don't even like t _touch_ him.”

“He's not a psychopath,” it slipped from the Doctor, before she could even think. Quickly, she added, ”And why would we pretend, please?”, going into attack before her shock was as obvious on her face as the Master's was right now.

Again, Braxiatel shrugged. “That I do not know, which is why I'm here. Finding out, you see.”

They exchanged a look.

“Regroup to plan-making,” hers said.

“Yes, let's make a plan and talk to your brother reasonably,” he nodded back.

“Let's make out in front of your brother and mother who's just coming back in,” his nod actually meant and before she could realise her mistake, he had gripped her by the hips, pulled her towards him and was kissing her passionately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is a bit difficult at the moment, but I'm fighting myself back into it. It comes and goes in phases of raging self-hatred, but it's getting quieter again. Sorry it took so long, not only this project but a lot of mine are currently standing a bit still, but I'm doing my best. x Hope this turned out alright. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, I asked on Tumblr which fic people really want to be finished first, as I'm trying to one by one work through my WIPs with focus on one fic at a time and absolutely nobody replied (encouraging!), so this is the one yet! So sorry to let any potential reader wait, it's continuing nooooow!

_Nope_ , The Doctor thought, while leaning into his embrace and kissing him back hungrily.

 _Absolutely not happening._ Her arms wrapped around him, wandering up into his shoulders before clawing at his hair.

She wasn't having any of this.

“Oh please!” Braxiatel called out and a snapping sound echoed around them and that's when the Master finally pulled back, his lips pecking hers softly one last time, his face looking flushed.  
  
She stared up at him with wide eyes, while the Master seemed to have easily regained his composure, wiggling his eyebrows at her with a wide grin.

“Aw,” she heard her mother say, her voice seeming to come from far away, even thought she was standing right in front of them. “Look at you two!”

 _Yes_ , the Doctor thought, her hearts still fluttering dangerously. _Would you look at that._

The Master's dark eyes were glowing, not turning away from her for a second, yet his gaze was so intense, she had to turn her head, looking for her brother, who stood in a corner with his arms crossed in front of his chest, silently looking at them with a face of unmistakable disgust.

Her mother beamed.

“Couldn't resist,” the Master muttered, acting perfectly sheepish and in love – A fiancé caught up in his wife-to-be, a masquerade so flawless, it caught the Doctor between a shudder and butterflies. “She just looks so beautiful in that dress.”

His arms were still locked around her waist and his breath was hot on her neck, his eyes still glued to her face. Was he testing her, trying to read her reaction? What was there to read, anyway? She hadn't kissed him back, that must've been a perfect indicator for how she felt.

Okay, she had kissed him back a little.

Alright, she had kissed him back hard.

He looked a bit smitten, really. Or a bit predatory. She wasn't sure which – It was always a little of both, with him.

She laid a hand onto his chest, pushing as gently as she managed and he budged, stepping away and loosening his arms around her.

She turned towards Braxiatel.

“We're getting married, whether you like it or not. Whether you believe in it or not. And you'll either be nice about it or shut up, because neither of us needs your judgement. That's not what we're doing this for. Look at mum – She's happy. We could do this on our own, but we don't, for her. If it's too much for you to take, after everything, I can understand that. You don't need to be part of it. But if you are, please not like this.”

The Doctor wasn't sure where any of this had come from, to be honest. Half of it were lies she hoped her mother would never have to forgive her, half of it was... maybe true? She supposed they really were getting married. He was going to stuff her into this hideous dress, pretend he liked it just to see her suffer and then pretend to love her forever in front of her entire family and friends.

Something about it suddenly stung.

Braxiatel stared at her as her eyes filled with tears, and so did the Master, yet luckily from behind – She could feel his eyes practically bore into her neck. Finally, her brother nodded, just once, and turned around to walk back into his room, slamming the door after him like an angry teenager.

She supposed that was fair – They had all turned into weirdly contorted versions of their teenage selves. Theta and Koschei happily in love, constantly berated and to be torn apart by everyone around them.

“Oh my,” her mother commented with a little frown. “I better go talk to him. You kids never could get along.” She handed the Master a piece of paper, her bright smile not quite covering up the worry on her face. “Here dear, you take this.”

She quickly dropped her camera and walked off to console Braxiatel, who, without doubt, was going to throw a massive temper tantrum.

The Doctor didn't really care. In fact, she had started to stand on tip toes to see what her mother had given to the Master, who was quickly tugging it into his coat pocket with a stretched out tongue towards her.

“What's that?” she asked and he huffed.

“Well, wouldn't you like to know, my beloved?”

“Not funny,” she replied with a grimace. “And neither was your little stunt right there.”

“Wasn't supposed to be funny,” the Master gave back with a cheeky grin that clearly contradicted his words. “It was supposed to get him off our case. He was right – We barely touch in front of them. They won't believe we're in love if we don't... - ”

“Well, we're _not_ in love,” she hissed back more forcefully than she had intended. “So next time, have the decency to at least ask first.”

The Master's grin finally vanished off his face. For a second, they were staring at each other in silent anger, the Doctor's shoulders heaving with her quickened breath. Honestly, usually, she was the King of unsolicited kisses, she wasn't sure why this one had caught her so off-guard.

Then she remembered a gentle suck on her lower lip, a lot of tongue and a moan she still wasn't sure which one of them had made and maybe, just maybe, she would eventually have to face that it wasn't the kiss that had shocked her, but her reaction to it.

“One kiss,” the Master finally interrupted her – quite hazy – memories with a raised eyebrow. “One kiss a day in front of them. To keep up the pretence. This is me _asking_ you.”

The Doctor quickly went over the facts.

1.) Brax was annoying and she really wanted to spite him and prove him wrong – Even if he, technically, was right.  
  
2.) She liked kissing the Master.

3.) Her mum _had_ looked happy.

So no harm done, except for Braxiatel, which was fine, right? Wait, what had 2.) had been again?  
  
 _She liked kissing the Master._

_Oh._

“Fine,” she finally agreed. “One kiss a day. But you have to warn me before them, because I don't want a surprise like this again.”

She flinched as he sent his reply straight into her mind.

“ _No need to worry about that, love. It was still an excellent kiss._ ”

Anthea had been staring at her for the last couple of minutes now, mouth open and eyes widened. Once in a while, shambles of words tumbled out of her, but mostly, she remained speechless.

The Doctor fiddled with the collar.

“It's... it's not perfect but...”

“It's horrendous,” Anthea finally brought out. “Absolutely horrible. A monstrosity.”

The Master was standing in the back, trying his hardest to cover his snicker as a cough.

“... my mother likes it,” the Doctor finished sadly.

“Oh,” Anthea sighed with an expression that could only be described as tragic. “Oh dear.”

“Yeah,” the Doctor sighed. “I don't suppose you know someone who could... I don't know. Make it a bit less horrible?”

“Honestly? I don't think so. I know about three different, talented tailors who could make you dresses you'd look absolutely stunning in, but... that thing...”

“She'll look stunning no matter what she wears.” The Doctor turned around in surprise to the Master, whose laugh had died off his face. His eyes were suddenly ablaze with rage she didn't understand.

Anthea seemed to have noticed it, too. She looked from the Doctor to him and back nervously.

“Well, I... yes, of course,... but...”

“No buts,” he growled. “She wears the dress. End of it.”

Anthea looked genuinely frightened now.

“Will you tone it down a little?” the Doctor asked, stepping towards him with a cold glare. “You're not talking to her or me like that – If I wear that thing, it's going to be as a favour, not because you ordered it.”

He stared at her, his lips quivering in suppressed anger, then simply turned around and left the room.

“Do what the hell you want.”

“Yeah, I will, thank you,” she called after him loudly, right before she heard him slam a door down the corridor. “Sorry,”, she turned towards Anthea. “He can get horribly moody sometimes.”  
  
“It's okay,” the young woman replied with a reassuring smile. “Really, I understand. I should've been clearer, I never meant to imply you're not beautiful, no matter what you wear.”

The Doctor blinked in confusion.

“No, that's not what he...” Anthea didn't seem to notice she never finished her sentence, she was walking around her to get a good glance on the dress from all angles.

“Maybe if we pour coffee over it?” she suggested, only half-joking, but the Doctor was still staring ahead blankly.

That... was _not_ what he had gotten angry about.... right?

“Is it going to be like this for every night, now?” she asked the Master's back. She could see him tense slightly underneath the blanket, sure that he had heard her and wasn't asleep yet.

“Who knows,” he finally muttered after a minute or so. “Maybe one day you'll learn how to _navigate the mine field_ and not piss me off before bed.”

“I didn't do anything,” the Doctor pointed out. “You were the one out of line.”

“Aren't I always?” he retorted and she could practically hear his eyes roll.

“Well.... yes,” she replied with a snort. “Isn't that your whole super villain thing?”

“Yes,” came a dull reply. “It's on the list right after “Be a big meanie”, but before “Steal a baby's lolly.”

“I just want one day without us fighting,” the Doctor sighed. “One day.”

“Then maybe you should've gotten yourself another husband,” he growled and to her surprise, the Doctor found herself giggling.

“Oh, sorry. I wasn't aware I got a _selection_ , here. Whichever shall I take? The bearded one with the black suits? Or rather the bearded one with the black velvet suits? Maybe the bearded one with the different black suits? It's rough, all this choice.”

She didn't look at him, tired of watching the back of his neck and so she didn't see the pillow coming as he smacked it into her face.

Laughing, she grabbed it and tried to pull it out of his grasp.

All of a sudden, he had rolled over her and her hands on the pillow slackened, as his face was so close to hers, she could feel his breath on her lips.

“Just for the record, love, don't you think for a second that I hadn't noticed how much you enjoyed kissing me. You can pretend all you want that you didn't, I know better.”

“Disillusions of an arrogant mind,” she breathed back, feeling her gaze glued to his lips against her will. “ _You_ were the one who called me stunning today, though, I did notice that much.”

The Master chuckled, the sound sending vibrations through her body.

“Disillusions of unwashed ears.”

With a grumpy frown, the Doctor grabbed the slack pillow between them and shoved it into his face, throwing him off, and he raised his arms in defeat, rolling back onto his side with a laugh, before he turned off the night light.

“Night night, wife-to-be,” came his voice from out of the darkness, cheerfully.

“Night night, sweet 'lil hubby,” she gave back equally cheerful.

She watched him for a while, as his breathing got steadier and the tension left his body. He fell asleep easily tonight, and no nightmares seemed to plague him. It was absurd, how safe he seemed to feel now that she had agreed to help him out.

It was absurd how safe she felt lying next to her best enemy in total darkness.

“We're planning to pour coffee over the dress,” she whispered into the night, because, despite him being asleep, she felt like she needed to say something, break the tension that suddenly seemed to surround her.

“Whatever you want, darling...” he muttered in his sleep, words barely audible, but she understood them anyway, felt them hit her right in the hearts.

Well, that hadn't helped.

“Cool. You're alright with me pouring coffee over your extensive collection of ties, then, too?”

The Master didn't reply, so she lay down, lying awake for a whole while, her own words echoing unanswered in her mind, the silence seeming to take her over.

She didn't miss him just because he was asleep before her next to her.

That'd be stupid.

She didn't miss him at all, he was an idiot.

Still, best to make really, _really_ sure the Gogorians didn't know that, right?

With a little shift underneath their blanket, the Doctor rolled closer to the Master, wrapped an arm around him and rested her chin on his shoulder, breathing out a breath she hadn't known she had held.

 _Better_.

No, _not_ better.

Oh, damn him and his bloody _kiss_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to pick a wedding location!

They woke up far more intertwined than the Doctor had initiated – She was at least about 27% sure of that. The Master's legs were wrapped around her waist and she was pressed against his chest, with his arms locked around her loosely.

It was far too comfy to move ever out of, beautifully warm and secure, with his hearts beating close to hers and yet...

“Wakey wakey, you two lovebirds!” her mum called out cheerfully from the door, right before turning on the lights. “Thea has places to show you!”

With a grumble that perfectly expressed the Doctor's mood, the Master refused to move out of the bed and pulled her closer instead, arms and legs around her tightening.

Feeling all wrapped up, the Doctor snuggled back into the embrace with a little sigh – Nothing she could do about it, really. Completely out of her hands.

The peace didn't last long, however – Only until her mother pulled away their blanket with a little chuckle.

“I packed you both some lunch,” was all she said as she looked at the Master's bared teeth fearlessly, then left them alone.

“And you call me evil...” he muttered, as they climbed out of the bed, putting on fresh versions of their usual outfit, each avoiding the other's gaze while pretending to be awfully busy.

With the sleepiness slowly falling away, the Doctor felt herself slightly embarrassed – Hell, they had cuddled like... like...

Like a freshly engaged couple.

Well, at least they had stopped fighting.

The Master's lifted demeanour only lifted when he took a look into his snack bag.

“Cookies!” he called out, reminding her awfully of back when they had both been kids.  
  
He'd gotten her mum's freshly baked cookies more often than he had gotten a hello from his own parents. The Doctor only too well remembered the little, unloved boy sitting on their kitchen table for the first time, shyly taking one off the plate, until her mum had shoved the entire thing onto the table before him.

His eyes were gleaming now just as bright as they had back then and the Doctor felt her hearts warm at the view.

She sneaked a look into her own bag and frowned.

“An apple?”

“It's good for your health,” her mother beamed.

The Doctor's eyes flickered towards the Master's bag, but he reacted instantly, clutching his lunch to his chest with his tongue stretched out at her.

“But... why can't I have cookies?” she asked, eyes widened with sadness.  
  
The Master mouthed back the words “good for your health” with a mocking glow in his eyes, smiling almost proudly and she somehow didn't have the heart to decide to steal his cookies.... just yet.

Finally being on the move again felt good. They'd collected Thea and decided to take the Master's TARDIS, because he had insisted that “her pile of trash can only take you where you need to go, if you attempt to specifically avoid that place”, but it was still good for her soul to enter the vortex again, feel time whirl around her.

Anthea jumped between them with the excitement of a little puppy.

“So!” she clapped, whirling around the console to face them. “The first location is a castle they have literally built into the clouds! Ciellenne has very low skies, you see? They found a way to to solidify and safely built on clouds. Not entirely secure, but very beautiful nonetheless. There's also a lovely little wedding spot on Crecedia, a floating island surrounded by rainbow waterfalls. And a capsule made of glass underwater on Melicia, surrounded by...-“

She broke off, turning towards the Master nervously, whose expression had turned stony.

“Sorry. Brax says I can get... a bit carried away. Still, if you have any preferences for where to... where to start...”

But to hers and the Doctor's surprise, the Master's face lit up with a rather encouraging little smile.

“Rainbow Waterfalls, please.”

The Doctor watched, leaning against the wall, as he cheerfully typed in the coordinates Anthea gave him. It was weird – as much as she enjoyed travelling again, she didn't feel quite the need to be on the run anymore. The horror over their situation seemed to have definitely eased.

The Master turned around to her as they landed, – yes, fine, a bit more smoothly than she was used to – seeing her still stand there with a little, quiet smile on her lips.

“Rainbow Waterfalls?” he asked.  
  
“Rainbow Waterfalls!” the Doctor replied, pushing herself off the wall. “Let's go.”

It was, quite frankly, absolutely stunning.

Water shimmering in all colours, falling down to them from floating islands all around them, the sun shining down just the right light for make everything around them sparkle. There was soft, green grass, sprinkled with white flowers and up above them was a beautiful, glowing purple sky.

It was serene and impressive and completely blown out of proportion and the Master watched the Doctor turn around on the spot for several minutes, staring in awe, before he turned to Anthea with a little smile.

“That's the one.”

Their wedding planer looked excited and clapped into her hands once. “Perfect! I can book it for you right away. Any specific date in mind?”

“Doesn't matter,” the Master replied and upon her confused expression, pointed towards his TARDIS. “Time machine, remember?”

“Well,” Anthea grinned. “That makes it easier. This place is usually booked out for the whole year, but yes, I suppose we're quite flexible.”

The Doctor turned back to them with sparkling eyes, hearing their conversation, but caring very little.

“Can we go swimming in the water? On that one?” She pointed up to the nearest floating island slightly above them, where several trees were growing, throwing long shadows onto the ground, covered in ivy.

They must've thought she was mad, but that didn't stop the Master from steering his TARDIS up to the island and handing her a blue towel, before she ran out into the lake and started splashing around in the water.

He followed her outside with an amused shake of his head and spread out a blanket underneath one of the trees that he had fished out from the depths of his TARDIS, then sat down with his lunch bag to watch her.

Anthea was giggling, while holding her feet into the water at the shore of the lake, letting the Doctor splash some into her face every once in a while.

After a while, she got hungry and climbed back out of the water, shivering slightly, but feeling the warmth of the sun drying her off already. She sat down next to the Master, legs crossed, while he tried to avoid her dripping onto him.

She gave him a grin and shook her head quickly like a dog drying itself off, leaving little drops of water on his cheeks and in his beard. He glared at her, but the Doctor simply grinned, grabbed her own lunch bag and... found two cookies safely deposited on top of her apple.

With a little side smile towards the Master, who had started pretending that he couldn't see her, she got them out of the paper bag and started nibbling at them happily.

“Do you reckon it's safe to slide down the waterfall?” she asked after a while of comfortable silence. “Onto the lower island?”

“Probably not,” he replied with a little sigh. “But I know that's been your plan all along, so I doubt it'll stop you.”

She looked at him with a wide grin, not saying a word, until he asked, “What?”.

“I'll do it if you do it with me,” she replied, still grinning.

The Master frowned, turned towards the waterfall, back to her and sighed, getting up slowly. The Doctor jumped up next to him enthusiastically, following him with a little hop in her steps.

Before he turned towards the lake, he walked up to Anthea, who was still sunbathing with her feet in the water.

“Tell her mum that we died happy,” he said dramatically. “And do give Braxiatel my worst.”

But Anthea simply smiled at them.

He pulled off his coat and something gently fell out of his pocket. The Doctor followed it with her eyes – The piece of paper her mother had given him the other day. She attempted to catch it, but before she could move, he had grabbed it again, put it back into his coat pocket and dropped it next to Anthea for safe keeping.

“Come on,” he sighed in an obvious (and working) attempt to distract her. “Let's slide down a waterfall.”

They stepped into the lake hand in hand. The water was still warm from the sun, but the Master still stepped in rather hesitantly, his blue shirt soaking up all the water already.

“It's not deep,” she promised, knowing he wasn't too fond of swimming. “Only goes up to your chest.”

He looked at her for a long second, then nodded, letting her drag him to the edge of the island. Together, they stared downwards for a second. She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back and they exchanged a look.

“Don't look down,” she whispered, “it'll be okay.”

He nodded again, his eyes locking with hers.

“Ready?” she asked.

“I was born ready,” he replied and without taking their eyes off each other, they let the current take them, sliding down in what was almost free falling.

The Master's mouth had opened to something between a scream and a laugh and the Doctor would have shouted along with him, if she wasn't so breathless. Her stomach was flipping, her view filling with water, but he was still holding his hand and his face was still in front of hers, _safe_.

They landed with a loud splash, both going under, grinning at each other in the clear water, before going back up for breath.

Both coughed and laughed and the Doctor wasn't sure when it had happened, but the Master had stepped closer towards her, his arms around her waist under the cover of the water, and then his lips brushed hers. He tasted sweet from the water, his touch wet and gentle and she leant into it, her eyes fluttering closed.

After a few seconds, they heard Anthea call from above them.

“Are you two alive down there?”

She held up both thumbs, grinning wildly. “All good!”

The Master had to call his TARDIS back down to get them back up and the Doctor sped to her towel, wrapping herself up and sitting down next to Anthea in the sun, enjoying the warmth, while he was grabbing a second towel for himself.

“He must really love you.”

Surprised, the Doctor turned her head to Anthea.

“Oh?”

“He really is a lot nicer around you,” she replied with a shrug. “Plus, he strikes me as the kind of person who'd want to marry in a castle in the clouds.”

“He sure does,” the Doctor replied with a frown. “I... don't quite understand?”

“Oh,” Anthea blushed slightly. “Sorry, I didn't mean... it's just... you like rainbows, right?”

She let her gaze wander over to the Doctor's shed coat with the rainbow lining and then to her shirt and the Time Lord looked down at herself for a second, stunned.

“I... I do. Right. Rainbow Waterfalls. Got you.”

She forced herself to smile, but her thoughts were racing. She had thought that he hadn't really cared, just wanted the picking of a fake location for a fake wedding behind them as fast as possible, but... had he picked this place _for her?_

She kept a close eye on the Master for the rest of the day. He was in an incredibly good mood, up for a lot of fun, even behaved a lot politer towards Anthea, who warmed up to him easily – Honestly, she failed to see what Braxiatel, of all people, saw in such a joyful, energetic and sweet person.

She supposed opposites attracted after all.

Once in a while, he glanced at her, as if he was noticing her watching him and she always ended up averting her gaze quickly.  
  
Hell, he must think she was flirting with him like a teenager.

A little grin spread on the Doctor's face – They _had_ flirted like that once.

Their kiss in the lake came back into her mind. That had been... for Anthea, right? Their daily kiss? To keep up the show?

... Right?

“Okay,” he sighed when they were back at home, reading in bed before turning off the lights. “Spit it out, what's wrong? You've been staring at me all day long.”

The Doctor chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully, before the words burst out of her.

“Do you want to get married in a castle made of clouds?”

He frowned.

“I thought we had already agreed to pick the rainbow waterfalls. Do you want to look at the other places?”

“No, I mean, I don't mind, it's just... If you had a choice. Not factoring me in...”

He shrugged.

“Castle made of clouds would sound like fun, yeah.”

“But then why did you immediately go for the Waterfalls?” she asked, sitting up slightly.

“Doctor,” he laughed, “you should've seen your face, you looked like you were about to marry _the place_.”

“Master.” She sat up fully now, her forehead in deep lines. “We're getting married.”

Confused, he sat up, too, staring at her inquisitively. “Yeah, I know, I've been here the last few days. Where have you been?”

But that wasn't what she meant.

With a quick jump, she climbed over to his bedside, robbing over his spread out legs, to grab the coat he had dropped beside the bed. She pulled out the piece of paper, finally looking at what was, ultimately, a Polaroid, perfectly catching the second right after they had stopped their first kiss, gazing into each other's eyes completely love-struck.

She held it up in front of his face.

“Master. We're getting married.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma give a little gaslighting and slut shaming trigger warning, because uhm.... well. Someone is a bit of an arse and we all know who it's going to be.

The Master grabbed the photo back off her in lightening speed, staring at her angrily as he tucked it away and she could almost see the little gears of his brain working, before a vicious grin spread on his face.

“What?” he spat. “I keep a little token, a souvenir, if you will, of how I made the high and mighty Doctor's knees weak and you think that means I want you as my wife?”

“What...” the Doctor felt herself blushing against her will. “No, I mean... but we.. we kissed today and I thought, that maybe...”

“Kissing you is a nice plus, not going to lie,” he interrupted her, the cold in his voice making something inside her freeze. “I'm actually looking forward to our wedding night, fucking you has always been fun and you seem quite eager to spread your legs for me...”

“What...?” the Doctor breathed, suddenly beginning to feel her head spin in blind panic. Something had stabbed her, right between the hearts and instead of the wound closing, it was freezing, keeping the blood in, keeping the pain alive.

“Shame we have to actually get married for that part, though,” the Master sighed dramatically, barely seeming to notice her reaction.

The Doctor felt as if someone had poured ice cold water over her shoulders. Staring at him, freezing, shuddering, paralysed, she waited for him to take it back, to laugh and tell her it had just been one of his tasteless jokes.

Nothing.

Just a cold stare back at her, silently challenging her to try and claim he had feelings for her ever again.

She didn't.

Instead, she scrambled out of bed, fighting back her tears as she fell over the blanket and onto the floor. Quickly, she got back onto her feet and practically dove for the door, flight the only thing left on her mind.

Out, just out, away from a man so cold, he had started to envelop her in ice.

She ran to the only place she could think of, ran to her TARDIS, curled up on the floor against the console and began sobbing. Stupid, bloody stupid Doctor, here she was, crying like she was a little boy again, like she had the first day she had spent away from him, like she was the first time she had allowed herself to get feelings for him.

A few hours ago, it had almost been nice. Picnic by the sea, rainbow water and cookies and that had been all it had taken for her to forget so readily who he was, what he had done to bring them into this situation, god, it had felt so much like all their childhood dreams finally coming through and she had let it. Had let _him_ in.

Had forgotten to remind herself that he didn't love her – That she _couldn't_ love him.

And now here she sat, weeping, hoping against better judgement that he would come and find and comfort her, even though she knew she shouldn't. He was the reason she was here in the first place. It wasn't fair.

_Fucking you has always been fun,_ she heard his voice, saw the evil grin in front of her eyes and shuddered again.

Right. That's all she was good for. That's all this was. A pretence, for him, to get out of eternal suffering and maybe get a good fuck on top. He'd been playing her.

And she'd made it damn easy for him, too.

The Doctor fought the urge to run, to start her TARDIS and just never come back. But she knew she couldn't.

She had been ready to condemn her family to death far too many times already, she simply couldn't do it again.

And so she kept sitting on her TARDIS floor, surrounded by nothing but the familiar, comforting sounds of her ship and the coldness creeping up her bones, until morning, until her stream of tears had frozen along with anything else, sleep never coming – Just the growing feeling of impending doom at the thought of having to face the Master again.

When the Doctor entered the living room for breakfast, she felt exhausted and vulnerable, her face and eyes swollen and aching and her mood only dropping lower when she saw that everyone was sitting around a full table already, including Braxiatel and Anthea and... well...  _him_ .

“There you are, love,” the Master greeted her with false cheerfulness and she flinched, looking at him with reddened eyes. “I've told your mum already about all the fun we had last night, so she wouldn't wake you too early.”

His smile didn't reach his eyes, they were darker than usual and cold, as cold as she felt, framed by dark rings.

“Fun,” the Doctor repeated tonelessly. “Right.”

He got up and stepped towards her, attempting to lay an arm around her waist, but she avoided him hectically, taking a side-step towards the table.

“So what's all of this?” she asked, hoping to distract everyone, by pointing towards the table, where dozens of cakes, plates and pieces were set up.

“Cake testing, of course,” her mother replied, looking concerned. “Are you feeling alright, angel? You're looking a bit pale this morning.”

“I'm fine,” she replied a little too quickly, still no true warmth reaching her voice. “Just peachy. Let's do this, then.”

Any other day, she might have looked forward to this part of the wedding preparations. Cakes were brilliant on their own, but every bite she took of these ones were simply excellent – And none of this offered the Master any chance to humiliate her, like the dress or the invitations had.

But today, the Doctor just tiredly rested her cheek on her hand and chewed mechanically, barely paying attention to the cake or the people around her asking for her opinion. The Master was watching her with narrowed eyes and in return, Braxiatel was watching him with just as much contempt.

Just as shoved one of the plates off her and tried to grab the next to work through this as fast as possible, the Master took her hand to stop her.

With a jump, the Doctor pulled it back and got off her chair, almost falling over it as she backed away from the table, away from him.

His eyes widened shortly.

“Okay, that's enough!” Braxiatel called, jumping off his own chair to step between them. “What is this about, what did you do to her?”

“ _Will you calm down?”_ she heard the Master's voice in her mind, making her flinch for the third time today.

“ _Get out. Right now. Out of my mind.”_ She tried to put as much force into her words as was possible, but even in her own mind, the words just sounded tired, lifeless, like everything she had said today.

“ _You're making everyone suspicious!”_

“ _I don't care!”_

“ _You care about them, though, right?”_

The threat pulled her right back to the ground, made her hands tremble so much, she had to shove them into her coat pockets, while she stepped back to the table slowly, towards the Master, who had gotten up to soothingly pull her into his arms. He kissed her forehead tenderly and the Doctor all of a sudden felt torn between throwing up or starting to cry again.

All for show. Life was just one big show to him.

“Sorry,” the Doctor brought out. “I didn't sleep much, had a rough night, 's all. Just pick any cake. Really. They're all great. I... I'm gonna get some sleep.”

She fled the glares and the worried looks, fled from _him_ , but all of them followed her out, most importantly the Master.

“Doctor...”

“Leave me alone! I need a day or two, okay? Every couple fights, it'll be fine with them, of course we'd fight, I just... Need you to leave me alone right now.”

“I've really had enough of this,” came Braxiatel's voice from behind them. “I try to be supportive but if you are mistreating my sister...”

“ _Kiss!”_ was the only warning she got and there he was, pressing her against the corridor wall, beard tickling her chin, as he pressed his lips against hers hard, arms pinning her beneath him.

Braxiatel stepped around the corner, gulping as he saw them, while the Master pretended not to notice him, lips wandering over the side of her neck, down to her collarbone, where he placed a gentle bite. His one hand was now resting loosely over her throat, his kisses were warm and wet and the Doctor couldn't help but react, her eyes fluttering shut as she let her head fall back against the wall and moaned softly.

She pressed her hips against his and could feel his erection through the fabric, rubbing against it, now actually forgetting her brother, until he made himself be noticed with a light clearing of his throat.

Reality crashing back down on her, she pushed the Master off her, who stumbled backwards, looking confused and hurt for a second, before he turned around to Braxiatel with a low growl.

“I see you are... fine,” her brother brought out, looking flustered. “I'm going to assume that's... also the reason you two didn't sleep much last night?”

The Doctor managed a short nod after realising the Master, who was still growling like an angry cheetah, wasn't about to reply.

Braxiatel rolled his eyes. “At least get a room, you two,” he said in dismay, before turning his back to them.

They were still breathing heavily when Brax had finally left them alone.

“Sorry, not much time for a warning,” the Master brought out between swollen lips, his senses finally seeming to return.

The Doctor's head cleared and before the cold could settle in again in all the places where his touch had melted it away, she pulled out and punched him straight in the face.

Stumbling backwards, the Master looked up at her in shock, hands shooting up to cover his nose, where a thin stream of blood was starting to flow.

“Almost got what you wanted, huh?” she asked.

“What...?” he asked dully through his hands.

“So close. Good job, you're doing really well. Though, of course, you're just going to say that's me being easy, I suppose?”

“Doctor...”

“I'll be off then. Tell them I went to sleep. Tell them you fucked me so hard I went into oblivion, if you want. I don't care,” she spit, rushing off the corridor. “As long as I don't have to see you a second longer today.”

He tried to grab her arm, but she tore herself free, starting to run and now hearing from the lack of steps that he wasn't following her.

The Doctor tried her best to remind herself that she didn't want him to.

This time, she started her TARDIS. She needed to get away, just for a bit, just find something to calm the rage, to make her feel less trapped, less spinning out of control. Hopefully, he'd wait to see if she returned, before he started killing off her family.

Skaro, she thought, as she typed in the coordinates and started dematerialising. Skaro would be perfect. Smashing up some Daleks was just what she needed now.

However, her TARDIS seemed to disagree, because when the Doctor opened the doors, she realised that she definitely wasn't on Skaro, but in...

“Cardiff?” she said, scrunching up her nose in disgust. “Earth.”

“Yup,” she heard a familiar voice from her left. “And this earthling has some serious questions.”

There he stood, good old Captain Jack Harkness, and in his hands, he waved a piece of paper with her and the Master's name in Gallifreyan on it.

Well.

Great.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter because this one's special, okay?!

“Hey Jack,” she greeted him cautiously, stepping out of her TARDIS and closing the door slowly, before turning back around to him, giving herself a second to collect her thoughts. “How are things?”

Instead of replying, he read from the piece of paper.

“Dear Freak. I would love to personally invite you to the Doctor's and my wedding.” Contempt was dripping from Jack's voice. “We'll be thrilled to have you. As a guest. Because that's all you are and ever will be. Love and kisses, the Master.”

The Doctor bit her lip, trying to hold back a rather involuntary laugh.

“Well, that's almost civil for his standards.”

“Please tell me you're not actually marrying the Master?” Jack pleaded.

“Me? No. Yes. Uhm.” She stared at the paper, avoiding his accusatory glare. “I suppose I am.”

“Well, that sounds like true love,” Jack commented dryly.

She couldn't tell him the truth. Couldn't possibly risk it. Too much was at stake, too much.

“I... I love him,” she replied tentatively, hating how little it felt like a lie. Here she was, at the exact same spot she had been thousands of years ago, when she had first tried to talk herself into this ever being untrue.

The Doctor sighed.

“But he doesn't make it easy for me.”

“Really?” Jack asked. “You mean he's a cunt, for a change? Shocking.”

She smiled weakly and with a sigh, Jack finally dropped the invitation.

“Don't take it personal, Doc, but you look like shit.”

“It's just... he's said some things...” To her horror, she felt tears rise again.

Not here, she thought. Not now. Please.

“That seems to be a thing he does. He always knows what to say to really hit you.”

He had been there, of course. On the Valiant, at the Master's mercy. It wasn't fair. The things he had been subjected to, the cruelty of that incarnation that had been unmatched by any other... until recently.

“Yes... Listen, I'm sorry about that.” She pointed at the invitation in his hands. “You don't have to come. Of course not. I wouldn't expect any of my friends to want to come to... He sent those to tease me. I didn't even know he had already...” God, had anyone else received an invitation? And did he send more personalised ones?

Jack raised his eyebrows.

“Tease you? It seems more like a territorial thing to me than teasing. Like he's raising his leg and pissing all over you.” He cleared his throat when he saw her face. “Uhm... sorry. Just meant... he's bragging, you know?”

“I doubt he thinks of me as something to brag about,” the Doctor replied, still shuddering at the thought of the things he'd said about her.

Jack snorted.

“Reads differently to me. Why are you doing this, if that's what you think he feels, anyway?”

Not again. Not this topic again.

“He's not always like this,” she tried, not even convincing herself and in return, Jack merely looked at her with understandable scepticism.

“Doctor... if you feel like he doesn't love you... Which, by the way, I would co-sign, because I doubt he's actually capable of...”

He broke off when he saw the Doctor's tears glitter in her eyes now, a look of desperate defeat on her face.

“Doctor...”

“I thought he might, you know?” she admitted, for the first time, even to herself. “I'm stupid like that. I thought he might still have love for me.”

Jack tried to scramble over to her and pull her into a hug, but she quickly side-stepped, avoiding his touch as she let her hand run over her eyes, furiously rubbing away the tears.

He froze where he was, looking at her with a sad little smile.

“You're not stupid, Doctor. You're the smartest person I know. If you thought that, really thought that, then maybe...,” he looked as if the thought of saying his next words caused him physical pain, “then something must've validated that, okay? I don't... I mean, you know what I think of him. But what you thought, it seemed to have mattered to him. Sometimes. I don't know if it's love, if he's even human enough to feel love, but... I can see why he could make you think that?”

Everyone, she thought. Jack, Brax, the Gogorians even, all had decided he couldn't do it. Couldn't possibly love and be loved. Had tried to tell her, time and time again. Had she listened? No, she had clung to the picture of the sad little boy that had, thousands of years ago, hoped to find a family in hers. The outcast that had ran by her side, dreamed up a future with her, when everyone had been against him from the start.

But the little boy had grown up into a monster, had grown to punish everyone who had pushed him away and now? She barely knew him anymore.

This was it, her chance to listen to them, to finally give up on him. But the picture of him in her mother's arms, crying, came back into her mind, his face when she first saw him again after leaving him on Gallifrey for the very first time, the way he had sat in the soft grass next to Anthea, feet in the water as they had fought a quick battle of splashes, the look in his burning eyes as he had kissed her in the water and something clicked back into place inside the Doctor's soul, making her suddenly feel whole and warm again.

“He is who he is,” she sighed. “I can't even begin to tell you, Jack, what he went through, on Gallifrey, when he was just a boy. The things Rassilon did to him, to us. The ways Time Lords always come up with new cruelties to throw into our ways. He had no family to support him, no friends, just me.”

“That's not an...-”

“Of course it's no excuse,” she reassured him hastily. “He's does horrible things. I know. But he's mine.”

Jack raised an eyebrow.

“He's... my oldest friend, my first love. I know all his horrible sides, I've seen them all. He creates chaos when he's upset, kills when he's bored, he has trust issues and every notion of genuine feelings terrify him because of all he's lost, all he's never had and... and... when he gets scared, he...” A grin broke out on the Doctor's face, wide and inappropriate and beautiful. “Oh Jack! I _am_ stupid after all. I am so, so, so stupid! Thanks for your help! Gotta dash!”

She gave him a cheerful wave before diving back into her TARDIS so fast she almost ran against the closed door, leaving Jack behind, looking stunned.

“Sure,” he said loudly as the TARDIS dematerialised right before his eyes without a moment of hesitation. “I was glad to see you too, Doctor. Great catching up with you.” He shook his head as he left. “Bloody Time Lords.”

“Where is he?” she panted towards her mother, coming to a slippery halt in front of her, completely out of breath from running through the corridors. “Where's the Master?”

Her mother looked concerned. “He went into his TARDIS, dear, said he wanted to fetch something. Is everything...”

But the Doctor barely listened, didn't stay to explain, just started running to their bedroom. If he had left, she'd have to wait for him there and...

This time, she slithered into the room for a few steps before being able to stop, almost falling head first into a mannequin standing in the middle of the room. Her mouth falling open, she looked around.

Their bedroom was an absolute mess. Pieces of fabrics and patterns were lying around everywhere, on the floor, on the tables, on their bed. Threads and scissors and other tools, scattered everywhere. And in the middle of it all, stood the mannequin with a gorgeous, glowing white suit with a slim waist and golden, Gallifreyan patterns on red lining inside.

Behind her, she heard steps, but her eyes were still glued to the suit, her breath hitching.

“He sat on it all of last night, while you were sleeping in your TARDIS,” her mother grabbed her shoulder and gently turned her around to take her face between her hands. “He told me you two had a fight over the dress and that you didn't like it.”

The Doctor frowned, a sad expression in her eyes.

“He wasn't supposed to... That dress was so important to you...”

“No, Theta, child, it's fine,” her mother replied with a warm smile. “I watched you fly around the universe, doing nothing but bringing people happiness while forgetting to care for your own. I don't want you to do the same for me. I'm your mother. This is my job. And soon it'll be your husbands job. And he's doing a pretty good one, right now,” she smiled towards the suit. “From what I just saw on your face. It's your big day, for once. I want nothing but for it to be perfect and bring you happiness, my child.”

Speechless, the Doctor simply nodded. She had forgotten, so entirely forgotten, what it was like to have a mother around, to be cared for and loved unconditionally. She had been so caught up in her own drama, so used to being on her own, the person to care for everyone else, she had barely talked to her all this time since getting her back and all her mum did was stand there, the perfect Time Lord that she was, and show her how much she understood. Would always understand.

“He needs you, you know?” she asked, voice thin, even though she already knew, even though her mum had known before even she had. “He never had a proper mum.”

“I know,” her mother smiled. “But he needs you, too. No one can heal without love.”

_No one can heal without love._

A picture of Missy popped up before her inner eye, alone and cold in the Vault, crying while she couldn't, wouldn't even hold her, wouldn't even let her in, out of fear to be stabbed in the back and abandoned again. And suddenly, it all made sense, his complete refusal to talk about it, the rage that filled him whenever she brought it up, his fall back into his old patterns to battle the insecurities she had only nurtured instead of taught him how to deal with them.

She gave a bitter smile and her mum gave her a warm one in response.

“Now go, find your husband.”

The Doctor threw the mannequin one last look before she started running again, her hips already aching, but she didn't care, too big the urgency as she hastened through the corridors back to where she had parked her TARDIS.

Blinded by the need to find him, as she was, she almost ran him over as she ran around the last corner. He stopped her with a little murmur escaping his lips and firm hands on her shoulders.

“Wait, wait Doctor, one second, I gotta talk to you!” he called out in the exact same moment the Doctor brought out a breathless, “there you are, we need to talk!”

They stared at each other for a second, waiting for the other to start. The Master's lips twitched in badly suppressed amusement, but his hair hung dully in his pale face, his eyes looked numb and tired and she felt a wave of worry and affection rising in her, that she quickly fought down.

Nope. Just because she understood what had happened now did _not_ mean he wouldn't have to work for her forgiveness.

“You!” she called, stabbing a finger into his chest. “Don't you ever, _ever_ say anything this horrible to me ever again!”

He wanted to say something, but _oh_ , she wasn't done yet.

“Never. I mean it. Never will you say something like this to me again. I ran from you once, I can do it again.”

The thought alone tore her heart open and he looked so genuinely scared, she almost wanted to take it back, knew it was a low blow, but also would have to make him understand that lashing out would not keep him from hurting, that he needed to find a healthier way to cope with trust issues.

Right, she thought, remembering Missy, remembering what her mother had said. Guidance, not punishment. He didn't know how to do this alone. Had never learned how to.

“And you will apologise,” she barked out, even as the rest of her anger had long dissolved. “Properly. And make it a good one, if you want me to ever talk to you again, because I deserve that. You left me miserable and upset and horribly and horrificly...”

The Master, having made three attempts to speak and having been cut by her string of words every single time, finally burst out a single, “Oh my God, will you stop babbling already? Horrificly isn't even a word!”

“That's what you're going for right now?” the Doctor asked, incredulous anger rising back up. If he wasn't even going try...

But the Master gently laid a finger onto her lips.

“I can't tell you how sorry I am while you're talking yourself into one of your endless tirades, now, can I?” he replied.

“Well, too bad, because it's my turn to speak!” she shouted. “And I'm telling you to ap...-”

He kissed her.

Stunned, the Doctor let him, her arms wrapping around him on instinct and she thought, somewhere in her always active mind, that, considering how often it had happened lately, she really shouldn't be this overwhelmed by it every single time.

The Master smirked against her lips, as if reading her mind.

Bastard.

She sucked his lower lip in, so very, very gentle, before she bit down hard.

Whimpering, the Master backed away from her, giving her room to collect herself again. His proximity... sure did _something_ to her.

“That wasn't an apology,” she brought out, voice quivering a little bit, when he came back up, lip swollen and bleeding lightly.

She took a step back, needing as much distance between them as the narrow corridor allowed, to not simply jump back into his arms.

As if he knew, he stepped closer towards her, and closer, and closer, until she couldn't back away anymore, her back to the wall – Literally.

He had always enjoyed to ruin every resemblance of personal space.

“You wouldn't let me speak,” he breathed against her lips, voice low and almost seductive. “May I now?”

Charming bastard, the Doctor thought with a bitter smile appearing on her face.

But she had always known that he could do charming. Time to find out how good he was at genuine.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“You may. Go on.”

The Master's smirk grew, before he got perfectly serious, his expression suddenly painfully reminding her of O's, as he looked up at her with wide eyes, his head lowered before her.

“I _am_ sorry. I really, really am. I got... scared and I did what I always do, I ruin everything that comes too close. When you figured out that I had... that I...,” he took a deep breath, “that I have feelings for you.”

The Doctor's hearts were pounding and the first time since he had revealed who he truly was to her, the Doctor found herself wondering how much of O had actually been him, being able to act on feelings and desires he had always pressed down as the Master.

“Which...” He looked so scared now, his lips trembling as he took another deep breath, bracing himself for what he was about to say. “I do. And I... always...” He cleared his throat, eyes on the floor so he wouldn't have to face her, looking lost, so lost. “I mean.... Fine. I _want_ to marry you, alright? I lied. All of the... the cruel things I said. All lies.” A little, devious smile appeared on his face as his eyes flickered up to her after all, gaze suggestively roaming her lips. “Well. _Almost_ all of them.”

She raised an eyebrow and he quickly bit his lower lip, making the smile disappear and looking at her through his long eye-lashes. The picture of innocence. And a little bit adorable.

Sometimes it was so easy to forget how cold these eyes could get, how sharp his tongue, how brutal his hands. It was easier for her than most, because all of it only seemed to occur around her.

“I don't even know how to trust any words you say,” the Doctor finally replied, forcing herself to remain firm. “You're too good of an actor. Nothing you say ever feels.... _real_ anymore.”

The Master looked at her for a second, thinking hard, expression stony, than he sighed.

“Come with me. I want to show you something.”

“If it's about the suit,” she brought out quickly. “I've already seen that. Not good enough, just you fixing the mess you created in the first place.”

A flash of hurt appeared on the Master's face, but only for a second, then he shook his head with a sad little smile.

“Not the suit. Something else.”

Huh.

Her curiosity awakened, the Doctor let herself be led to his TARDIS, where he opened the door and let her step in first. It had changed, since she'd last been in here. The interior did no longer look like it had in the outback, the charming, untidy collector of alien artefacts had disappeared and opened the door to the depressed lover of chaos.

Devices, pieces of circuits, wires and tools, everything was lying around, the walls were dark and bleak, no single personal object or decoration to be found and the room only enlightened by the console in the middle of it, which was greeting them with a little glow and a hum.

The Master stepped in behind her, paying the mess and the gloominess no mind. He had once been neat to the point of obnoxiousness and this seemed to just be another testament to the state he was in, a state the Doctor had so dutifully missed.

“What is it, then?” she asked, the anger finally falling away from her tone, leaving it quiet and cautious.

The Master didn't reply, just stepped to a nearby drawer, pulling something out and into his coat pocket, before he led the way further into his ship.

It hadn't occurred to the Doctor, not for a second, that this could be a trap, but now she couldn't help but feel like he was acting sketchy. What had he taken out of the drawer?  
  
Still, her curiosity won her over – besides, he still needed her, right? - and she followed him deeper through the corridors, until they stepped through a door into what felt like a whole other world.

It was a garden, vast and beautiful, with red grasses, giant trees and fields, fields like the ones they used to run through back when they were kids.

“Gallifrey?” she asked, stunned. He wasn't exactly the sentimental kind, especially not when it came to their home planet.

“Just a recreation,” the Master explained quietly. “There's not much I liked about good old home, but it sure was pretty.”

“Yeah,” the Doctor agreed, her hearts aching as she looked around, golden leaves gently blowing through the air around them. “That's what you wanted to show me?”

“No,” the Master replied, a hand in his pocket. “This is.”

And to her endless surprise, he sank down on one knee before her – The Master? On his knees? - opening a little box with trembling fingers.

He _had_ to be kidding her.

“Theta Sigma,” he said, a little smile gracing his lips. “Doctor. Mr. Oncoming Storm, Sir.” He frowned. “Ma'am. Long time cricket enthusiast. Incomprehensible fan of Earth traditions. Lover of all things beautiful. My endless obsession. I've got a question, my beloved smart-ass, and I've been wanting to ask you for thousands of years now. Leave it to me to get it all wrong.”

His brown eyes were gleaming almost golden in the lights of the twin suns, as he looked up at her and the Doctor's hearts were pounding in her chest almost painfully.

“Will you marry me? Bond with me? Be mine forever?” He gulped. “In... you know... the romantic way, not the possessive Master way. I feel like I should add that. Knowing my track record. Through in fairness. I'd also accept the other way, occasionall-”

“Who's babbling now?” the Doctor whispered breathlessly, and the Master shut up with a nervous little laugh.

Without being able to think clearly anymore, she fell to her own knees, right before him, eyes tearing up as she smiled.

“Koschei from the house of Oakdown. Master. Cosmic Nuisance and destroyer of everything beautiful. Mr. Queen of Evil, sir. I would love nothing more than to marry you.”

The Master stared at her as if he was seeing her for the first time in his life, unsure, apparently, whether to cry or to laugh and out came a tortured sound, as she rested her forehead against his, breathing in deeply.

His mind was thrumming against hers, their excitement and love syncing up and entangling, his breath was on her lips and hers on his and she could feel it both, and for a second that stretched to the feeling of an hour, they just sat there, feeling the other, eyes closed.

Then the Master moved, shaking her out of peaceful bliss and back into reality.

“Then this is yours...” he whispered, sliding a perfectly fitting ring onto her finger.

The Doctor frowned down on it.

“How did you...”

But he hadn't, as it turned out. Inspecting the ring, as it glittered golden in the sunlight, she found it was made of Gallifreyan gold perfectly adapting to whichever hand it belonged to. Engraved was his name in Gallifreyan letters, right next to hers.

“Kosch,” she asked, the old nick name slipping out before she could think better of it. “When did you have this made?”

The Master gave her a wide, sad smile, making her hearts stutter.

“I told you,” he said. “I've been meaning to ask you for some time now.”

“Some time?” she squeaked, jumping up, feeling a surge of panic rushing through her. “You had these made when we were... you... you...”

The reality of it crashed down on her with full-weight. He had wanted to marry her. And she had run away without him.


	9. Chapter 9

“We're one messed up couple, huh?” she asked, head resting on his stomach, his hands in her hair, as they lay peacefully underneath Gallifreyan sunset, waiting for the stars to come out.

It was so easy, talking to him like this. As if they were kids again, back when everything between them had been so much simpler.

The Master shrugged gently, just enough for her to feel the movement vibrate beneath her.

“We're us. I like us just like that.”

“The suit,” she started and he hummed lowly.

“If you don't like it, we can look for something...-”

“No, I love it,” she interrupted him quickly. “It's perfect.”

She turned her head to look up at him and he gave her a brilliant smile as response.

“Good. We might have to adjust the size a little. I used fabrics and sizes of that horrendous dress, but to be quite honest, I'm not an expert when it comes to tailoring. Several other areas, though.”

He gave her a playful little wink.

“You cut open that dress?” the Doctor grinned.

The Master's chuckle made her rise and fall gently along with him.

“Oh, you bet.”

“Glad you changed your mind about giving me that outfit from hell,” she giggled, but he propped himself up on his elbows, looking down at her earnestly.

“I hurt you,” he said. “Really, properly hurt you. The way I always thought I wanted to. It was horrible and it won't happen again. Ever, Doctor.”

“Well, I don't know,” she replied softly, sitting up herself now. “It's not exactly the level of destroying our entire home planet in my name.”

He pinched his eyes shut and she sighed.

“We're... going to have to talk about this one day, you know that, right? I love you, I always have but...”

His eyes opened slowly, that deep sadness back in his dark brown, and it was scary how used she had gotten to it, how much it seemed to belong on that face already.

“I...” He took a deep breath. “I woke up. On that... on that colony ship. Corset too tight, floor too cold and you were... gone.”

Her brows furrowed.

“What? What happened?”

“The thing is. I tried. I tried to become what you wanted me to be, but I wasn't that. But I wasn't what I had wanted to be anymore either. And I got... I got lost, Doctor. Left behind to die by you and shot in the back by myself for who I am. I didn't know where to turn to.”

“You... what?” she spluttered, but he seemed to barely hear her anymore.

“So I went home, right? Regrouping. Trying to figure things out. All I wanted to do was find myself, instead I found... that.”

He looked right through her, his nose crunched up resentfully.

“You, us, that past we had. It was all I even... tried to change for. Even lost myself for. And I snapped, it broke me down, alright? I couldn't.... I couldn't hurt _her_. She's... I mean she's like... I was so...”

The Doctor moved swiftly, wrapping both arms around him, pulling him sideways towards her chest.

“Okay,” she muttered, even though she knew it wasn't, even though she knew his pain wasn't bringing all of them back, her hearts ached for him. “Okay.”

He was the Master. Until he wasn't anymore, until he had given it up for her, until he had disappointed his past ambitions so much, they had decided to end him.

So she could be a little bit not the Doctor, meet him in the middle and forgive the monster, right? She just would have to be, because her hearts had already decided. She pressed soft kisses onto his temple, running fingers through his hair and to her relief and horror, he started sobbing.

“Nothing's okay, Doctor...” he brought out, but she just shook her head, placing more kisses on his face, on every bit of skin she could reach.

“Maybe not,” she agreed. “But I'm not leaving you alone with it anymore.”

Apparently she had said the right thing, because he was leaning against her, head resting on her shoulder, eyes fluttering closed, as his sobbing shrunk down to silent tears running over his face.

“We can just be not okay together,” she murmured, just holding him.

“ _Who does he think he is?” Koschei asked, pacing up and down Theta's little bedroom, head red in rage, while his hands again and again found his hair and pulled angrily. “Who does he think he is, talking to me like that?”_

“ _Kosch, please,” Theta sighed, putting down the book. “You need to stop being surprised at what he does and says to you. You know how he is.”_

_But he stopped talking quickly, when he saw Koschei's face as he turned around to him, finally standing still. His eyes were wide and tears were glittering, he knew his friend would never allow to fall._

“ _Why, Thete?” he asked, voice so quiet, he could've almost told himself he'd imagined it. “Why? I do everything he wants, I try to be enough so hard, why can't I ever... why can't I ever be enough?”_

_With a swift movement, Theta rolled off his bed and rushed to his friends, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him tight._

“ _It's not your fault, Koschei,” he reassured him quickly. “He's supposed to be your father. It's not your fault he's completely failing at that.”_

“ _Your parents love you,” he whispered, voice and face so stony, Theta felt himself shiver in his arms._

“ _My parents love you too.” It was all he knew to say, all he could think of to forget the tone of accusation in Koschei's voice. “You're basically part of the family. Forget him, come on.”_

“ _I don't... why... why can't I just...”_

_He was shaking in his arms now and Theta rubbed his back, then took a step back, grabbing his hand.  
  
“You've got me, alright? You don't need him. You'll always have me.”_

_Koschei looked up, at that, really, properly looked up, even with his shoulders still sagged, and gave him the tiniest of smiles._

“ _Yeah. I only need you.”_

“ _Come on, then.” Theta impatiently tugged at his arm and Koschei blinked in confusion, tears finally disappearing from his eyes now._

“ _Where are we going?”_

_Theta just grinned, opening his bedroom door._

“ _Anywhere. As long as we'll still see the stars.”_

“I've been on at least five of those on the side,” the Doctor explained, pointing up in the sky at random. The Master gave her a little frown.

“I have no idea where you're pointing to.”

“Those ones. Right above us.”

“Doctor, they're all above us.”

She rolled her eyes.

“They're a little group of neighbour planets. They have a sort of pulley system to one another – But in like, space dimensions. It's amazing. The things people come up with to keep in touch and support one another. And those on the right...”  
  
Again, she pointed at random light dots in the night sky.

“They are completely covered in chocolate sauce! No joke! The whole planet is swimming with it. The lifeforms can't be without it, they need the cocoa to survive.”

“Doctor.”

“Yeah?” She turned towards him in his arms, a little smile on her face.

“I'm not one of your pets. I've actually been to space. There is no planet covered in chocolate sauce.”

“Hah!” she called, pointing a finger at his chest now. “You think that? Have you not learned anything about the wonders of the universe?”

He snorted gently. “I've learned they're nothing without you. And that for you and your absolute insanity, a planet consisting of 87% of brown water soup is a planet covered in chocolate.”

She frowned.

“Oh, is that what it is? I never got around to trying it, to be honest, Peri was pulling me back at the time. I just thought she was a chocolate hater, really.”

He rolled his eyes, but his lips had twitched to a shaky smile and his lips trailed over her forehead gently, his mood slowly restoring, as he hummed softly into her skin.

“Are you getting cold?” he suddenly asked. “You have goosebumps.”

“I have?” she asked, looking down at herself and then up to him again, grinning wide. “Nah. I'm not cold.”

His smile grew into a grin now, his eyes flickered back to the stars, but his arms held her a little tighter and she snuggled into his embrace, head resting on his chest now, listening to the familiar rhythm of two hearts and the Doctor loved the stars, she really did, but right now, she was so much more fascinated by the soft skin of his collarbone, where his shirt was slightly shifted by her weight. She stared at it for a while, enthralled, then leaned forwards and placed a gentle kiss onto this skin, realising there was no one and nothing to stop her anymore.

The Master chuckled lightly and he ran his fingers through her hair, threaded through the blonde strands, while his own head fell back beautifully, too beautiful to ignore – She crawled up his body just a little, nipping at the crook of his neck. Above her, she could see Master's eyes flatter shut as he saw his own kind of stars.

“Doctor...” he muttered, but got distracted as she sloppily placed more kisses along his neck and the line of his jaw, quicker and more frantic, needing more now that she's gotten a taste of it.

“Doc... Doctor?”

She was gently nibbling and tugging at his earlobe now, humming contently.

“Kiss me,” she finally breathed into his ear, “like it's real.”

He sat up abruptly and if the Doctor hadn't sat up along with him, wrapping her arms around him as she settled down in his lap, she would've fallen off.

“It _is_ real, Doctor,” he replied, sounding offended.

“I know,” she replied, cupping his face in her hands. “Don't worry, I know. It's just... after everything. The fake kisses for my family, all the acting, making it a rule... I just want to... I just need you to make it feel real.”

He sighed.

“I did it all wrong. All of it. It was all real, Doctor.”

“Show me,” she breathed and he didn't need her to tell him twice.

He was on her within a second, rolling her over and pressing her into the grass and oh, it was so much like home, like childhood, like them, her hearts ached as his lips were on hers, burning with desire, his dark eyes seeming to swallow her up like the night and she forgot about everything else. She could still feel the little wound where she had bitten him on his lip and let her tongue run along it soothingly, apologetically, but the Master, the hint of a smirk on the corner of his mouth, caught his tongue and bit down on it, making her flinch.

“Now we're even,” he grinned as she glared up at him.

“Way to ruin the mood,” she grumbled, but he simply laughed, before letting his lips trail down her neck, hand wandering underneath her shirt ever so slowly, soft fingertips leaving chills on their trail.

“My mood's just fine, love,” he promised, voice low and she couldn't help but arch a little towards him, while his big hand found her left breast, rolling her nipples between his fingers.

“Right,” she gasped, breathlessly. “Now that you mention it...”

He grinned - entirely too smug at that - and leaned over her, grinding his hips against hers, just once, making the Doctor moan and arch up even more, chasing the feeling of his erection on her.

“Something you want?” he asked, his voice so husky, it made the Doctor shiver beneath him.

“Please,” she asked, leaning up her head, trying to catch his lips, but he drew back, eyes glinting devilishly.

“What was that, love?”

She narrowed her eyes, hand shooting up and gripping his erection through his stupid checked trousers, making the Master gasp. She drew her hand along the length of it, as much as the fabric would allow her and saw his eyes widen above her.

“Sorry?”, she asked, biting her lower lip seductively. “Something you want, _sweethearts_?”

He snorted, head leaning down to disappear in the crook of her neck again, lips sucking and kissing gently and she moaned softly, letting her hands rub over his crotch in slow circles.

He growled lowly, finally loosing patience, and started to undress her. She could feel the soft grass tickle her naked legs, as he pulled her trousers down, grinning down at her wet underwear.

She arched up towards him, curling her toes, and he obliged without extra encouragement this time, pulling down her panties and leaning down, taking a deep breath and licking his lips.

The Doctor couldn't help herself, her hands found his head, her fingers entangled with his head and she pushed him down gently. He let her, giving her one last cheeky grin, before she felt his breath hover over her cunt and then he was on her, his tongue running through her slit in one swift stroke and the Doctor cried out his name.

Something was burning inside of her. Wherever his tongue went, however deep the pleasure, she needed more and more. His thumb was stroking over her clit, but all the Doctor could think was “more” and maybe he heard her, maybe her thoughts were so loud, she was projecting them, because with a light chuckle, he pulled back right before she felt like she was about to come and climbed up to her, kissing her lips gently and she could taste herself, moaning loudly.

“Master, Master, please," she begged, giving him exactly what he had wanted and not caring, and he didn't seem like he did either – His lips were on her breasts, sucking in one nipple, then the other, and his hands wandered to his own trousers, before he kicked them off impatiently.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, she thought and he was definitely hearing this, because his eyes were gleaming and his lips twitching into a smirk, as he pressed his erection against her crotch.

She let her hands wander down, stroking it again, this time without the fabrics between them, felt the smoothness of his skin, the veins under her fingers, let them run over the pre-come on his tip and then he pushed against her, too impatient to be gentle, but the Doctor didn't care, she needed him, needed him so much.

He was inside her with a single thrust, her slick making it so easy and she let her head fall back, unable to keep it upwards anymore, seeing literal stars as he took her hard and fast, their sweaty thighs clashing against the others loudly.

It was obscene and it was good and it was home and the Doctor pulled him up to her again, kissing him hard, hands in his hair, pulling, pulling him to go faster, then raking down his back, leaving marks for sure, but the Master merely moaned, forehead pressed to hers as he pushed into her to the hilt and for a second, he remained there, his eyes finding hers and everything was, after all, okay.

“Don't leave me,” he whispered and it was a beg, a plead, something she had never heard from those lips and she let one hand stroke the back of his neck, smiling reassuringly.

“Never.”

He let his eyes flutter shut, drew back and started thrusting again. She looked at his eyelids, his long lashes, the way his whole face was covered in sweat and concentration and she was sure to never, ever forget this night.

She could feel him get close from the way his thrusts became more frantic and he brought his hand back to her clit, her own pleasure threatening to overrun her. She came with the cry of a name she hadn't had on her lips in quite a while and in response, the Master came inside her before she had even spoken the last Gallifreyan syllable, pouring inside her and falling down on top of her, panting heavily.

“So,” he asked after a little while when the Doctor's head had stopped spinning, admiring the bite marks at the side of her breasts. “Feeling real, yet?”

She grinned.

“You know, I'm not entirely convinced. Maybe you'll have to try again.”

He huffed.

“For the rest of my life, love.”

“Until death do us part?” she asked and he sat up, giving her a little kiss on the lips, before fixing his sweat-soaked hair with a grin.

“Death can try.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The things you suddenly have time for when your wifi is having problems. I can't upload much atm, only now because I'm at my mum's, but wooohooo, final chapter coming SooooOOOOn. I'm a little afraid to write the wedding, ngl. :D But I'll manage for y'all.

She had always thought that marriage was a simple thing. That, in the end, all that mattered was bonding for eternity with the one person she wanted to spend it with. It had always been him, in her mind, when she had younger. It was either not bonding at all or Koschei.

A lot had happened since then, but when she actually took a minute, even after all the Earth marriages she had accidentally stumbled into, imagining ever bonding, in Gallifreyan, legal terms... Well, it had been him. Had to be him.

That part was still simple, alright?  
  
Nothing had been simpler than waking up next to him, seeing the sleepy, goofy smile spread on his lips as he slowly returned to reality beside her. He'd rolled above of her, eyes still half-lidded from exhaustion, but it hadn't stopped him from kissing every bit of skin he could reach, hadn't stopped him from letting his head disappear between her legs and make her scream his name.

She'd laid a hand on his head, had run her fingers through his soft hair and had enjoyed the way the ring looked on them.

Simple.

The complicated part, the Doctor had quickly begun to realise, was everything _but_ them.

  
“I'm not allowing it,” Braxiatel shouted, pacing back and forth the room, agitated and upset. Anthea was watching her with her lips pressed together in what looked like a bad attempt to hold back a grin. It made the Doctor's hearts warm, watching this girl love him with all his quirks and flaws.

“It's just wrong,” her brother thundered on. “Do you hear me? Wrong!”

“Nothing about this is wrong,” the Doctor explained calmly, for the fifth time. “I promise you.”

“That's not you! He has you under some kind of mind control! He's burned down our entire home, for Rassilon's sake! The Doctor I knew...”

“The Doctor you knew walked into your room at the age of forty-five, telling you to stop snitching to dad when I sneak out into the forests with Koschei, because it wouldn't matter. None of it would ever matter. he'd grow old with that boy. Did he not?”

Behind her, her mother chuckled and Brax took a deep breath, calming himself somewhat.

“And back then, I told you it's a bad idea. Told you he's not good for you. Told you think about it. What's happened to that?”

“I thought about it,” the Doctor replied with a crooked, sad smile. “And I was miserable.”

Braxiatel's shoulders sacked slightly.

“I don't want you to be miserable,” he promised and she knew he meant it, had always known that. “But it's just... he's...”

“He's who I love and nothing will change that. Believe me, I tried. And he... he'll be better.”

Her brother snorted.

“Sure he will. Eventually, there'll be nothing left to burn.”

With a sharp swallow, the Master took a step towards the Doctor and him, taking her hand.

“Listen. I know what I did and who I am, we both don't have to kid ourselves. I don't need you to believe in me changing, I'm not even sure I believe in it myself.” He let his gaze wander sideways, brushing the Doctor. “She always does. I don't know how she does it,” he added, his face softening. “The only thing I need you to believe is that I... I love her. I have always loved her. And I'll try everything to not make her leave me again. That's something, right? Common grounds?”

Braxiatel regarded him with an icy expression.

“So, basically, you're telling me you're going to tie her up and keep her prisoner should she want to walk out on you and therefore I should give my consent to this wedding?”

“Consent?” the Doctor snorted. “We don't need your consent. It's happening, whether you approve or not. But we'd very much like you to be there.”

“And also,” the Master muttered under his breath. “Your sister is like Houdini, there's not tying her up – Believe me, I've tried.”

“Doesn't exactly fill me with confidence,” Braxiatel spat.

“He's family,” their mother announced from behind them, standing up now, a hand to her chest. “He's always been family, Irving. He's been family the second he sneaked out of his house to hide in Theta's room – and yes, I knew about that – for a week, he's been family when he stole my food from our table, been family when he was first officially introduced to us, been family when your father attempted to throw him out, he's been family throughout all of the wilderness Theta and he went through. He's my son and he's your brother and you might disagree with him and you might curse him and hate him and torment him, but he's your family.”

She turned towards the two of them, a hand on each of their shoulders each and the Doctor watched the Master's eyes fill with tears.

“He'll be there, children.”

  
Jo was happy for them, at least.

“Always said you two just needed to... well, resolve your issues with... err...”

The Doctor frowned.

“With what?”

Behind her, she could her the Master snort, as he needled her suit. She wasn't sure how much more needles he needed. She felt when he was done, her poor suit was going to look like a slice of cheese.

“With fucking, Doctor.”

“Well,I didn't say it quite as crude,” Jo replied with a laugh, giving him a slight slap to the back of his head. He simply gave her his most charming smile.

“Oh,” the Doctor made. “Well... That wasn't exactly a problem, back then.”

“Really wasn't,” he said, looking up at Jo with an eyebrow wiggle and their friend shook her head gently.

“If only the Brigadier was here to hear this. He had no idea – Bless his heart.”

“Well...” the Master stepped in front of the Doctor, waving for her to stand still as he put another needle in one of her sleeves. “He's on the guest list.”

“We're still following the guest list, then?” she snorted and the Master shrugged.

“Might as well. I don't have many friends but... well, they are yours.”

She considered this for a moment.

“Well, I suppose. But I'm warning you, none of them will be particularly happy about this. They can't all have Jo's hearts.”

“Singular,” he reminded her.

“Right. Heart.” She turned her head to smile warmly at Jo and the Master let the needle sink with a sigh.

“They'll want you to be happy,” he replied, circling her with his eyes fixed on the suit. “Should matter most to them. Usually does.”

Jo stood a bit away from them, having paled slightly.

“You're going to invite the Brigadier? But he's... he's...”

“Oh, don't worry about it,” the Doctor replied and jumped towards her with a whirl, almost knocking the Master's chin out, as he had just leant down to regard one of the seams closer. “Time machine, remember?”

Then, seeing the look on Jo's face, she frowned.

“Will that be too weird?”

“I... I don't know,” she sighed. “I'm sure he'd appreciate it. Getting a chance to... to see you two... Might be a bit weird for me,” she replied, tears glistening in her eyes.

“Good weird, though, right?” the Doctor replied, a sad smile on her face and Jo nodded enthusiastically.

“Good weird. For sure.”

  
Two days before the wedding, her fam came over with... questions.

“What about the whole plane thing?” Graham asked, clearly agitated, while Ryan tried on a suit from the Doctor's TARDIS wardrobe.

“Are you sure it's... safe?” Yaz asked, timidly. “I mean, it's not some sort of trick of his, is it?”

“The plane thing?” Graham asked again. “Are we forgetting that time he tried to painfully murder all of us?”

“He won't hurt you, right?”

The Doctor's head was spinning. She had to give him the credit, of course, of not leaving her alone through all these things. He was the steady rock by her side, listening to all of her friend's concerns and considering them with a sort of grim understanding.

“Sorry 'bout that,” he nodded towards Graham but couldn't quite hide away the grim. “Big revelations always get me a bit excited. Knew she'd find some way to get you all out of it, though. She always does.”

“Right,” Graham replied, eyebrows drawn to a tight line, clearly not sure what else to say. “Right.”

“It's been... sort of a game we've played,” the Doctor sighed. “It got reckless and out of hand and the stakes got higher and higher and I let it, because...” She shook her head, unsure how to explain it to them. How to explain to them that sometimes, civilizations could seem so small, so unimportant when you were as ancient as they were, even to her, even when she was trying so hard to not forget that they were people, did such a good job getting close to them, caring.

“'s okay,” Yaz said. “I understand. Kinda. I think. I mean. It's like on the playground, yeah? He pulls your hair and you pull back and somehow that means you like each other. Just a bit... bit more drastic.”

“So am I getting this right?” Ryan called from behind them, grinning, “now that you're actually marrying, there'll be less pulling, meaning less innocent people threatened to crash in planes?”

The Master grinned.

“Knowing her, she'll probably drag me around, _saving_ people.”

“It's what I do,” she replied with a shrug. “I'll be so good at it, you won't even notice it's happening.”

His eyes were so warm when he grinned at her, seemingly forgetting all about the people in the room with them.

Yaz cleared her throat.

“So uhm, Doctor,” she asked, trying to get their attention back to them before they started doing it on the tea table. “What are you gonna do tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” the Time Lord asked, eyes wide.

The plan had been, pretty much, to spend the morning with sex and breakfast in bed and not show their faces until the actual wedding began, drawing away from further trouble.

“Uhm. Not much. Why?”

Her fam exchanged some glances.

“Well, you know, a bride isn't supposed to see the groom for the day before the wedding, it's unlucky. We thought maybe we could help you get distracted.”

“Wait, she's not?” the Doctor asked, stunned. “That does sound unlucky.”

The Master snorted into his tea.

“It's an Earth tradition,” Graham threw in. “She probably doesn't even know that.”

“I didn't,” the Doctor nodded, looking into three expectant faces, while the Master vehemently shook his head. “Sounds horrendous. Any other suggestions?”

  
They wore her down, in the end. Yaz had used the perfect puppy eyes, had asked her for one last trip, for old time's sake and she couldn't say goodbye. She'd showed them a planet with twenty-four hours of fireworks and somehow, they'd stumbled into a tiny Sontaran invasion.

It had been nice, actually, having that trip with her old fam again. It had been a while since they'd all gone their ways, told them it was time to return to their old lives on Earth, told her to visit them, as humans always did.

When she returned home, with her clothes slightly burned at the edges, her hair in array and her bones aching, Yaz had jokingly winked at her, told her to remember to stay away from the groom.

Hah. Earth traditions. Weren't they cute?

She had nodded, smiled, waved them good night and sneaked into her bedroom within a minute, where the Master was waiting for her, lying on her bedside with a book in his lap. Amused eyes found her over the edge of the pages and with a sigh, he sat up straighter, putting the book away.

“Look at you. Did someone finally decide to set fire to your clothes?”

“Explodia,” she mumbled. “Just thought I'd bring everyone into some cheery mood with some fireworks.”

“Let me guess. Daleks.”

“Nope.”

She sat down next to him, shedding out of what was left of her coat and his fingers found her shoulders, massaging them gently.

“Cybermen?”

“Nah.”

“Okay, you gotta tell me if I get close. Silurians.”

“Bit closer, if only for the starting letter,” she yawned. “Mind if we go to bed early? Did a lot of running.”

Soft hands brushed her bare hips as his fingers slipped under her shirt and she sighed, leaning backwards against him, enjoying his lips brushing the side of her neck.

That was nice. Coming home to someone after a long day of saving things. Having someone care for her. She'd never done that before.

He kissed her neck, leaving chills in his wake, let his lips wander down to her collarbones, where he nibbled gently. She could just get friendly with the idea of maybe having some sex before bedtime, when his lips twisted into a grin and he excitedly raised his head.

“Oh, I got it! Sontarans! They start with S and they probably thing a planet firing fireworks for the entire day would be excellent to abuse for war purposes.”

“You sure know how to think like a Sontaran,” she sighed, turning her head to smile at him and the Master laughed.

“I did try to program them to shoot missiles once, but I stopped when they aimed one of the Catherine Wheels to go for my arse. I'm not sure they need you defending their planet,” he added with a giggle.

“Surely didn't harm them,” she yawned again and he helped her lie down, pulled her shoes off her feet as she did.

“Come on, let's get some rest. Big day tomorrow.”

“Mhm-mh,” she hummed, eyes already falling shut and he grabbed a blanket, throwing it over them, before snuggling up in her arms.

She found it was incredibly lucky to see your groom before the wedding. Especially when said groom was soft and warm and holding you so very, very tightly.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, who would've thought that all it took for me to finish one(!) fanfic was three days in no-wifi hell? Huh. Anyway. Welcome to the big finale! Only the most loyal, patient and fluff-adoring of you have made it here! Because I was so bloody slow at writing it. Which mostly was because this story, at absolutely every turn, was not what I wanted it to be at all. But I've lived with it. I handled it. I went with it. It's something now that's probably not bad. And also nothing like what I wanted it to be. :P
> 
> What I was trying to say. Thanks for reading, people, you rock <3

The morning of their wedding, the Master woke her up screaming.

He was screaming when she opened her eyes, face red and eyes torn opened in fear, was still screaming when she held him, kicked and thrashed to free himself from her embrace and when he stopped, it was only to catch breath, only to let the screams fade into a quiet, desperate whimper, as he curled himself into a ball, sobbing.

Shaken, the Doctor watched him, arms still raised from where he had painfully twisted them away.

“Master,” he whispered into the darkened room. “What's wrong, what is it?”

He didn't reply, didn't so much as pause, didn't show any sign that he had even heard her.

She tried touching him again, laid a hand on his back cautiously and this time he let her, let her feel the gentle trembling of his shoulders beneath her palms, still whimpering.

“What did you dream?”

Finally, he seemed to register her. His head raised slightly, eyes red and puffy as he looked up at her with a heart-wrenching look of despair, panting hard as he tried to take in the next sob.

“Nothing.”

“That's not nothing, that's full-blown panic,” she replied gently, but he shook his head.

“No. I mean. Nothing. I dreamed of nothing. Nothing all around me. Nothing trapping me. Nothing but despair and darkness and... and...”

She moved quickly, pulling him up and into her arms, closing them around him with all her might.

“This is all that's trapping you, yeah? Just me. You and me. That's not nothing.”

The Master shook his head and she could see his eyes glaze over.

“You don't get it. The Gogorians...”

“You're not still worrying about them, are you?” she interrupted him, her brows furrowed. “To be quite honest, at some point I thought you'd just made that up.”

“I didn't,” he replied, his lower lip trembling. “I didn't, alright. They really were there, they... they touched me.”

“They touched you?” she asked. “You've let that part out.”

“Yeah, right,” he huffed. “Hey Doctor, fairest arch enemy, I have just been dosed with a second of eternity in all-encompassing despair and emptiness, how's your Sunday going? You'd probably have laughed at you.”

“Laughed at you? I wouldn't have...-”

He was raising her eyebrows at her and the Doctor sighed.

“Okay, granted, I wasn't exactly on good terms with you, but laughing... Are they... is it really that bad?”

The Master stared darkly down at his lap.

“You've got no idea.”

“Well...” she let a hand wander up and down his back, rubbing in soothing circles. “They can't get you anymore. You're safe. The rules are that they get the unloved ones. The horrible ones. You're loved. You're safe.”

For a minute, the Master didn't say anything but she saw him wrestle, wrestle with words he didn't want to come out. Fear rose inside of her, she couldn't help it – What in the universe was there a man like the Master was too afraid to say?

“What?” she asked, voice thin. “What is it?”

He looked up at her, eyes pleading for forgiveness before he had even spoken.

“Doctor, have you got any idea what it's like to be in love with you?”

“Uhm...” she replied, suddenly feeling cold. “What... what do you mean.”

He raised his hands to a huge shrug of his shoulders, eyes pinched shut for a moment as he thought.

“It's like... like... riding a big zeplin bull. You know, those once from Hyra? That always run through the savannahs for hours? People put bets on them.”

“Well, am I... one of the pretty ones that never score but always get the most applause?” she asked, confused by the comparison.

“You're...,” he shook his head, laughing weakly. “You're one of the incredible fast ones. Whirlwind of one. Intoxicating surge of adrenaline whenever we're racing, but...”

“But what?” she asked, feeling her throat constricting. “Master, _what_?”

“But who can't keep up gets thrown off,” he replied, forcing himself to look into her eyes.

“Oh.”

He was back to staring at his lap and the Doctor was staring at hers, trying to think this through. She felt like someone had poured a whole bucket of ice cold water over her shoulders.

The truth was – She'd left him before. There was nothing she could do to convince him she wouldn't do it again, except for proving it. Inconveniently, that would take some time.

“It's been over a thousand years,” she finally said and she could feel him _flinch_ in her arms.

“If you're about to tell me to get over it...-”

“I am doing nothing of the kind, will you just listen to me, Koschei?” she sighed. “It's been over a thousand years and regardless of what might have happened, regardless of what I've said and done and how fast I've run, I've not not loved you for a single day of those. Whatever these Gogorians say, whatever the old fairy tales claim, no one, absolutely no one in this universe can possibly know how much someone is loved – Or not. Whatever drove them to you must've come from your mind. You believed you were unloved so they believed it.”

“That's...” he shook his head. “Why would I even...”

“Hey.” She took his head between her hands, forced him to look into her eyes. “I don't blame you. I don't. I've been horrible. We've been horrible. My point is that it's not true. It never has been. It never will be. And I don't need you to trust me that I won't leave you – You could, but you won't, I understand. I know what I did. But I absolutely need you to believe me that I'll...,” she kissed his left cheek, “always,” she kissed his right, “love you.” She kissed him straight on the lips, mind tentatively reaching out for his.

She could feel him relax in her arms slightly as soon as they connected, his thoughts and emotions a dark, whirling mess she didn't even bother to fight. She went straight to the heart of the storm, sat down in the middle of it, feet to feet with the little boy sitting there already, looking up at her with wet eyes.

“It's okay now,” she promised, wrapping him up tightly with love and warmth. “You don't have to hide anymore.”

  
Everyone was there.

Absolutely everyone.

Even people she had watched the Master cross off the guest list for “being too in love with her”.

“Word travels fast, huh?” she muttered, waving Rose from afar. “How you're feeling?”  
  
The Master gave her a side glance, looking immaculate in his stupid, gorgeous, tailored, with actual stardust-covered suit.

“Like I can't wait to get married to you in front of all these people so they'll know to keep their claws off you,” he smirked back.

They strategically separated to greet the guests. She greeted the half on the left island with a lot of hugs and grins and cheery small talk, while he... went to the bar and chatted with Jo and the Brigadier.

Probably a good call.

She greeted the right islands too, ignoring Jack's accusatory glances, avoiding River's hurt eyes, trying her best not to look at Nyssa.

Braxiatel stood at the furthest corner, grumpily talking to Anthea.

“Hey,” she greeted him, happy to meet some judgement she could handle. “You've come.”

“Well, it's a beautiful location,” Braxiatel replied, apparently having been briefed on only saying nice things – Which seemed to coincide with the one thing his girlfriend had taken care of.

The Doctor's lips twitched to a smirk as she looked around the beautiful rainbow waterfalls cascading all around them down the floating islands. They had set up little wooden hanging bridges between all the islands and everyone was standing around, stunned at the spectacle before them.

“Yeah,” she grinned. “It's pretty great. Thank you, brother.”

She hugged Braxiatel, giving him a peck on the cheek and the old sod actually managed a little warm smile.

“And you, Anthea! So glad you could make it.”

“Wouldn't miss it for the world,” her friend gave back with a thumbs up and a huge grin.

Huh, she actually meant it. Bless her heart.

The music around them suddenly got quiet.

“Right,” the Doctor laughed nervously, while the guests around her came together gradually. “I gotta go. I think they'll need me for the next part.”

She rushed to the front, hands in her suit pockets, feeling a rush of nervousness and excitement surging through her.

This was it. She was actually getting married. It was crazy, that. She had never exactly been the type of person to dream about her wedding a lot. She'd only ever known one thing – If she was ever going to do it, it was to the man currently standing at the front with a glass of champagne he was quickly setting down in the grass, stretching out an arm towards her as she hurried towards him.

“Almost on time,” he grinned, eyes warm and she grinned.

“Well, I think everyone here would be worried if this was the day I'd stop showing up late,” she gave back with a grin. “They already think you've got me brainwashed enough.”

“Well, it seems they brainwashed me along with them.” Braxiatel muttered as he stepped towards them behind her.

The Doctor's eyes widened.

“What?”

“I'm wedding you,” her brother sighed patiently. “You remember that, right? Legality? Through an actual Time Lord legalising it? I _am_ the only one left to do it.”

“Oh, I assure you,” the Master smirked. “She's forgotten it.”

“I... maybe a little,” the Doctor admitted with a sigh. “Everything's been a bit stressful.”

“Well, I didn't,” the Master added, voice quiet. “And I'm glad you're doing it.”

“Yeah well,” Braxiatel cleared his throat, avoiding his gaze as he handed him a silken ribbon. “I'm doing it for her.”

“Sure.” The Master took it and she saw him swallow, quietly, just once, before looking up into her eyes with an almost child-like smile, eyes gleaming, as he let the fabric run through his fingers.

“I assume you know what you've got to have to do?”

The Master gave him a crooked grin.

“I've seen documentaries about this sort of stuff. You say 'You do' and have a really good snog, right?”

Braxiatel's face was stony. “If you can't even be serious on your own wedding day....”

The Master bit back a laugh and a reply as the silence around them settled and they realised that their guests had arranged themselves into a huge half-circle around them, all watching with a variety of expressions and a lot of alcohol in their hands to handle the ceremony, she assumed.

But if the Doctor was being honest, she didn't have a single care in the world. All she cared about was _him_ , as he turned towards her, clearing his throat, his hand stretching out to hers.

“I know we went on to a slightly rocky start,” he said in Gallifreyan, clearly amused at the thought that no one but their family could understand them but it felt _right_. “But uhm.. I heard they make the best endings.” He wrapped the ribbon around his hand with a swift, graceful move of his hand, offering her the other end.

The Doctor took it with a little smile.

“Yeah, thing is, I don't like endings,” she replied in Gallifreyan. “So I think we'll have to take forever instead.”

Forever had been a promise she'd given the last time as a child, in the wide shadows of Gallifreyan trees, lying in red grass, her mind full of his. Forever wasn't a concept Time Lords believed in. They had learned from little on that everything eventually would end, that time itself would come to get it.

They had claimed it as just another form of rebelling.

She had never believed in forever ever again and she knew neither had he. For a second, the Master was speechless, lip trembling slightly, then he nodded.

“Forever it is.”

The thing with Time Lords wedding was – They were extremely unspectacular for the naked eye. As she wrapped the ribbon around her own hand loosely, feeling him strengthen the hold to her until it was tight between them, they seemingly just stood there, staring into one another's eyes, overwhelmed.

The next part was happening in their minds. Doors wide open, corridors intertwining, thoughts connecting. She'd never bonded, not like this. They'd gotten close to it a few times, just by lying in the grass with each other, dreaming of the same stars. Had gotten a connection stronger than some bonded Gallifreyans would ever achieve. But this was different, this was powerful. This was her lying her entire mind open to him and him doing the same, until they had rearranged it all to one, big entity. Like a big hall to sit together in and share their everything with.

Except a lot more emotional than that.

It said a lot, of course, about the friends the Doctor had picked over the years, that they still all stood quietly for minutes, watching them completely transfixed. They weren't sure what was happening but they knew something was.

It was as if a little window had opened, for everyone to see their love, everyone who hadn't understood at first, begrudged it, judged it, now saw it clear for what it was.

The Doctor grinned.

Hundreds of minds all at once, understanding how very, very loved the Master was. No space for any Gogorians and their poisoned ideas anymore. That would even ease his troubled soul a little, she reckoned.

Braxiatel looked from one to another with a light smirk.

“Well, I think that'll do,” he rasped with a hoarse voice, in Gallifreyan and then again in English for the benefit of their guests. “You're legally bonded for... How did you put it? Forever?”

He sounded a little amused but she – they – didn't care.

She could feel forever jump about in their minds and never before had she known something so impossible to be more true.

“Forever,” they whispered in unison.


End file.
